LAST TRAIN TO NOWHERE.

By Peter M. DeLorenzo

Detroit. Once upon a time in an automotive galaxy in the distant past, automotive enthusiast magazines would generate endless content about the latest and greatest sporting machines on the horizon, or available to consumers right that moment. For car enthusiasts of a certain age, it was an endless parade of the latest and greatest and fastest. Fanned by calculated auto PR minions and boosted by high-quality editorial writing, the whole exercise was designed to pump up the “I Want” factor times ten. And it worked so well that the machines the enthusiast magazines were salivating about, translated into enthusiast consumer excitement, which translated into sales, which heavily influenced the overall market. Because in the 60s in particular, even plain-jane family sedans had performance options. In fact, if you didn’t get the optional engine at least, something was decidedly wrong.

Probably the most famous story from that era was when Car and Driver magazine touted a face-off between a Ferrari GTO and the Pontiac GTO in 1964. And even though it didn’t quite pan out as planned (look it up -WG), the story generated enough buzz to propel the Pontiac to superstardom. (The fact that Pontiac engineers – ahem – heavily “massaged” that particular GTO for that “road test” came to light afterward and suffice to say that was the baddest GTO in existence at that time, by far.)

Then, of course, this all came to a screeching halt for three primary reasons: 1.)  The insurance companies came down brutally hard on muscle machines. 2.) The whole concept of emissions regulation started to take hold. And 3.) This was quickly followed by the gas crisis, which hit American drivers with endless waits to fill up their tanks. In other words, the entire automobile business pivoted to Not Good overnight. This was followed by such dismal choices as the Mustang II and 150HP Z/28 Camaros, and for all intents and purposes the whole idea of “performance” was put on the back burner.

But as we all well know now, things change in this business. The digital revolution as well as the many technical and engineering advancements unleashed over the decades transformed our automobiles yet again, to the point that we’re experiencing what looks to be the final “Golden Age” for ICE-powered machines. Performance? The machines available today are light years better in every respect than any previous “Golden Age.” They’re faster and have handling and braking performance limits to match the exuberant horsepower numbers. I’m not talking about just the exotics (Ferrari, Lamborghini, McLaren, Porsche, et al.), because the performance in all vehicle segments is historically at its peak. We have never had access to this kind of high performance before, especially in the last half-decade or so, and it is intoxicating. And it is also officially yesterday’s news.

Why? We find ourselves in the midst of change in this business again. Extreme, track-focused high-performance is out, replaced by rugged, off-road performance. Every manufacturer worth its 22” off-road wheel package is offering off-road performance versions of their various charges, whether they are needed, or not. Beyond the usual suspects – Chevrolet, Ford, Ram, Toyota, Land Rover et al. - GMC, for instance, is offering an entire lineup of AT4 off-road-oriented spec vehicles. Which means it’s now officially an epidemic.

The PR minions who used to scramble to book racetracks all over the country for the latest “fly-in” press events are now scouring exotic landscapes previously only attainable by mule to stage press events designed to demonstrate the off-road capabilities of their latest BelchFire SuperPounder Trucks and SUVs. These PR minions are trading in their obligatory black pants and white logoed shirts and clipboards for canteens and wardrobes right out of the latest Huckberry.com online catalog. 

It is flat-out crazy. So crazy, in fact, that some journos are actually criticizing car companies for even bothering to offer sedans or traditional hatchbacks, believing that we’re supposed to be all-SUVs-and-jacked-up-pickups-all-the-time now. 

I happen to disagree with this latest all-in for RuggedVille frenzy, however. I strongly believe that there are plenty of car buyers out there who happen to like sedans and hatchbacks, including me. They’re fun and efficient instead of ground pounding and lumbering. It’s just a different style of motoring. Are there fun SUVs and crossovers to drive out there? Sure, but that doesn’t mean everyone has to have one, or want one. 

I get the fact that the latest manufacturer focus is full-zoot rough riders and all-terrain mashers. After all, that’s what they think people want in order to traverse the Costco canyons and Home Depot hollers. Even if you aren’t planning to go to Moab next week, you could if you wanted to, right? And therein lies the hook. The “hook” that auto manufacturers have exploited since people traded in their horses. (Way back when the hooks were: You could sit on the front row at Indianapolis in your BelchFire8, if you wanted to; or you could qualify for Le Mans in your SuperSqualo Meteor, if you wanted to. And even recently: You could qualify for an IMSA GT race in your Porsche 911 GT3 RSR, if you wanted to.) Those hooks are lethal, and highly profitable.

As I’ve said repeatedly since founding this website, the automobile business is first and foremost a fashion business. It is consumed by trends, fads and what’s perceived as “hot” at the moment. And before we’re immersed in the Next Big Thing – the coming EV Revolution – these vehicles designed to take us on adventures to nowhere are going to be the thing until further notice, which is not exactly good news in my book.

And that’s the High-Octane Truth for this week.