MAY 27, 2020

Editor-in-Chief's Note: From the "It Won't Be Long Now" File, the buzz being generated by PR minions involved with hyping the Renault-Nissan-Mitsubishi alliance is that the new conglomeration of auto companies will use a high degree of commonization with parts, pieces and bodies to achieve "the most powerful combination of companies in the world," according to a report in Automotive News. Really? Are we talking about the same "alliance" that features one company against the ropes (Nissan) gasping for air, and another grasping for a shred of relevance (Mitsubishi), and another that has shown promise on occasion (Renault) but always seems to come up short? That alliance? I know the history of this business has been littered with pronouncements and flat-out hype that more often than not failed to deliver anything close to what was promised, but this may take the prize for unfettered and unmitigated bullshit. I can safely say that the promise of this alliance is going to fall short, way short. And then we'll all have to deal with the fallout from another auto conglomerate built on hype and dreams that failed miserably. And so it goes. -PMD 

Editor's Note: In what is becoming an interesting sidebar during this pandemic, Americans seem to be reevaluating their relationship to the automobile, and even embracing it anew as a true safe haven and symbol of freedom of mobility. In that spirit, we thought we’d re-run an excerpt from one of our favorite pieces of automotive prose, which poet, critic and Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist, James Agee wrote for the September 1934 issue of Fortune. - WG The characters in our story are five: this American continent; this American people; the automobile; the Great American Road, and the Great American Roadside. As an American, of course, you know these characters. This continent, an open palm spread frank before the sky against the bulk of the world. This curious people. The automobile you know as well as you know the slouch of the accustomed body at the wheel and the small stench of gas and hot metal. You know the sweat and the steady throes of the motor and the copious and thoughtless silence and the almost lack of hunger and the spreaded swell and swim of the hard highway toward and beneath and behind and gone and the parted roadside swarming past. This great road, too; you know that well. How it is scraggled and twisted along the coast of Maine, high-crowned and weak-shouldered in honor of long winter, how like a blacksnake in the sun it takes the ridges, the green and dim ravines which are the Cumberlands, and lolls loose into the hot Alabama valleys . . . Oh yes, you know this road….All such things you know….God and the conjunction of confused bloods, history and the bullying of this tough continent to heel, did something to the American people -- worked up in their blood a species of restiveness unlike any that any race before has known. Whatever we may think, we move for no better reason than for the plain unvarnished hell of it. And there is no better reason. So God made the American restive. The American in turn and in due time got into the automobile and found it good. The automobile became a hypnosis, the opium of the American people...Whatever we may think, we move for no better reason than for the plain unvarnished hell of it. And there is no better reason.

(Audi images)
Every once in a while Audi likes to remind enthusiasts why they build RS models. The RS models (RS4 Avant shown above) from Audi Sport GmbH represent the tip of Audi's technological spear (at least while it is still building ICE-powered vehicles -WG). The RS models are set apart from other Audi models with distinct design differentiation, effortless high performance and everyday usability. Like many other auto manufacturers, Audi uses the North Loop (Nordschleife) of the Nürburgring as its ultimate testing measure. The 20.832-kilometer course is acknowledged as the most challenging in the world, with exceedingly demanding stretches over the course of a single lap. The compression at the Fuchsröhre for instance, the kickbacks at the Karussell, or the jump at the Pflanzgarten. Think about this for a moment: More than 80 percent of a lap is driven with full power. With maximum load applied in fast motion, every kilometer on this course equates to multiple kilometers of regular road operation. 8,000 kilometers of endurance testing on the North Loop easily equates to a car’s entire lifetime. With its high demands, the North Loop has become the benchmark to evaluate high performance. Frank Stippler is Audi's Nordschleife specialist, and one of the people who knows the “Green Hell” best. The 45-year-old was born in Cologne and lives in the Eifel region. He is connected with the history of Audi Sport like no other racing driver. His greatest accomplishments include winning the 24 Hours races of Spa in 2012 and the Nürburgring (in 2012 and 2019). Stippler was also part of the team that developed the Audi R8 LMS GT3 racing car, which made its debut in 2009. Aside from his skills as a driver, he also contributed his engineering expertise. Ever since then, it has been hard to imagine the development of Audi's customer sport racing cars and even sporty road models without him. This applies to the RS models as well as the R8 high-performance sports car, which was extensively updated at the beginning of 2019 as a Coupé, Spyder, and as an R8 V10 RWD with rear-wheel drive. Stippler’s latest achievement is a lap record on the North Loop, which he set with an RS Q8 in the fall of 2019. He recorded a lap of 7 minutes and 42.253 seconds – attested by a notary – which beat the former best time for SUVs by twelve seconds. “The North Loop represents the ultimate endurance test in our development and coordination work,” explains Oliver Hoffmann, Managing Director of Audi Sport GmbH. “Every RS model undergoes at least 8,000 kilometers of testing here. The track provides us with detailed information about the durability of our parts under extreme conditions and specifics about the suspension. With the RS Q8, our main focus was on the setup of the springs, dampers, and the ESP as well as the performance characteristics of the roll stabilization and the sport differential.”

Editor-in-Chief’s Note: Our L.A.-based correspondent, Tom Pease, weighs in on why recycling doesn’t always work. -PMD

SOMETIMES YOU CAN’T EVEN GET WHAT YOU WANT.

By Tom Pease

Beverly Hills. Peter, you likely have an idea how much it pains me to type this as a bona-fide Westside Lib, but recycling kind of doesn't work, and here's why: All it takes is one fu#$tard to ruin it. I live in a building that has private pick-up for 42 units. We have a trash dumpster (with trash chute) and six large recycling bins in the garage. I have sent emails, left notices, done everything but carved instructions on what is and what is not recycling backwards on the foreheads of some of these idiots so they could read it in the mirror, but I still see people putting things from non-recyclable plastics, to pizza boxes with the pizza in them, to bagged dog doo in the recycling. I mean, really, dog doo?

Now, if the company taking the bins sees it, they won't empty it. If they don't, it gets into the batch and that batch is eventually tagged as ruined and goes to the landfill. Some cities in LA that have communal bins have given up on separate recycling ones for just this reason: some people are either too selfish, too stupid, or both to walk the extra two feet to put their leftover Little Caesars and Fido's latest BM in the trash. These cities have given up and pay extra to have the separating done at the facility.

I am all for recycling, but when I see one of those self-centered d-bags tossing a half-finished Frappuccino in the blue bin I want to go Beverly Sutphin on their keisters. (5 points if you can name the movie.)

Editor-in-Chief’s Note: This is our West Coast correspondents‘ week, apparently. Now that we’ve heard from Tom Pease, Dave Guyette is weighing in. -PMD

PLEASE TELL TOM HE’S GOT IT EASY IN L.A.

By Dave Guyette

Portland. At least Mr Pease *has* a dumpster.  In Portlandia, you get grief.

Whenever I have to throw something away, I have to look for the proper receptacle. It gets specialized around here. There's a brown bin for paper, a green bin for compost, a yellow bucket for glass, and a blue bin for recyclables. These bins all have a picture of three arrows in a circle, but many have stickers of happy faces applied so you can feel good about yourself for using them. They take branding too far.

The bin labeled “co-mingled recyclables” makes me envious that the trash is having more sex than I am. At long last, I come to the bin labeled “landfill.” A disgusting-looking picture of refuse is stamped on the front, as if this were an anti-smoking ad wrapping a pack of Marlboros. Am I supposed to be shamed every time I clean up?

What I want is a box/bin/can/whatever that just says "sh*t you don't want anymore" and leave it at that. A dumpster says that without any labels attached. It also says “whatever is in here, is free,” allowing licence to the dumpster-diver. 

I'm sick and tired of these euphemisms. There's a “battery center" for acid-leaking batteries you shouldn't touch, a “reclamation center” for leftover building materials that don't fit, an “oil dropoff” for motor sludge, a “transfer center” ... for whatever you want to “transfer,” and a “hazardous waste drive thru" lane you enter to safely dispose of... things more unsafe than previously mentioned.

And heaven forbid, we have a “junkyard” within the city limits. No, instead... cars that die go to “Carvana” now, except for the Teslas... because nobody in this town will give up on them.

AE Song Lyrics of the Week:


I listen to the wind
To the wind of my soul
Where I'll end up, well, I think
Only God really knows

I've sat upon the setting sun
But never, never, never, never
I never wanted water once
No, never, never, never

I listen to my words
But they fall far below
I let my music take me where
My heart wants to go

I swam upon the devil's lake
But never, never, never, never
I'll never make the same mistake
No, never, never, never


"The Wind" by Cat Stevens - now known as Yusuf Islam* - from the album "Teaser And The Firecat" (1970). Watch a video here. 

 *In this song, Stevens examines spirituality and fate. His philosophical quest is what led him to convert to Islam in 1977. The song is only 1:42 long, and is the first track of Stevens' fifth album, entitled Teaser And The Firecat. The album shares its name with an illustrated children's tale he created and had published a year later. This song was used in the films  Rushmore (1998) and Almost Famous (2000)  . (Courtesy of songfacts.com)