JANUARY 27, 2016

Sergio Marchionne. Editor-In-Chief's Note: Well, the King of the Carpetbagging Mercenaries finally came out with a new Plan today, which replaced the last Plan, which replaced the Plan before that and the Plan before that, which replaced that other plan from five years ago. Oh, never mind, you get the picture. Sergio's "plans" over the years have changed with the proverbial winds, and it's only when his pronouncements look so utterly foolish and he's about to be laughed out of the room that he's forced to say something to somebody about a "new" plan. Needless to say, I have documented "Sergio's Folly" - his ludicrous obsession with projecting the Alfa Romeo brand as "the next Audi" by 2018 - long before any analyst ever came to grips with the futility of the idea, but that's neither here nor there at this juncture. The bottom line is that today Sergio admitted that he's got Jeep, some pickup trucks and oh by the way he has Jeep, and everything else is just a pipe dream and/or a monumental waste of time. And the Alfa Romeo Giulia is allegedly supposed to go into production by March, but absolutely no one believes it, at least no one who knows anything about the chaotic product cadence that has become a time-honored specialty of FCA. So here we are. All that has been accomplished with Marchionne's latest "plan" is that the ugly reality of FCA has been exposed and the company is in even more trouble than we even imagined. With no advanced technology at the ready to deal with tightening emissions and fuel economy regulations and with no partner even on the horizon to bail the company out, the clock is ticking on FCA. Loudly. Marchionne and his espresso-swilling minions are living on borrowed time. The business model he's pushing is not sustainable. I'll reiterate something I said on my last AutoextremistTV video: I give FCA 18-24 months to find a partner or preferably a buyer because if that doesn't happen, the company will be parted out and eliminated from the Autoverse all together. -PMD

Editor-In-Chief's Note: From the "Great Advertising" File, it doesn't get much better than the Honda spot called "Paper." Watch it here. -PMD

Cadillac. Editor-In-Chief's Note: Let the hype begin. Last week Cadillac PR minions and marketers were hard at work in Los Angeles "spinning" the new CT6 to a group of auto journalists (and that term must be used loosely, based on the rag-tag group assembled) and assorted hangers-on. It was all a very civilized and upscale drill to be sure, according to my moles, with multiple handlers making sure that everyone was well cared for and catered to. But the biggest issue surrounding the car - and the one issue that was not addressed - is that the reality for Cadillac marketers is that they're going to be spending half their marketing budget trying to explain what a "CT6" is to a consumer public that has had it up to "there" with the naming hieroglyphics that these manufacturers regularly engage in. And they're going to spend a boatload of cash on the Oscars broadcast to do it too. Here's a simple test: Ask the average consumer what a Cadillac "CT6" is and then ask them what a Lincoln Continental is. The answer will speak volumes. But hey, if Cadillac continues their latest run of employing tragically insipid voiceover talent (the female voiceover for Cadillac of late is so bad that the spots are starting to rival the Buick spots on the "cringe" meter) in the new advertising, none of it will matter. We'll all be sick of whatever it is they've come up with before the CT6 even gets out of the gate. I will have much more to say on this subject in the coming weeks and months. -PMD

Editor-In-Chief's Note: John Lippert and Jeff Plungis, writing in BloombergBusiness, paint a dire portrait of Fiat Chrysler's looming challenges over meeting emissions requirements and fuel-economy targets. In a story entitled, "Another European Automaker Has U.S. Emissions Problems of its Own" Lippert and Plungis point out that Fiat Chrysler was last in the EPA ranking for the fourth straight year, and that the company also needed credits to meet fuel-economy targets... and the clock is ticking. Read it here. The clock is ticking for a host of other reasons, too, as I've stated repeatedly over the last year. -PMD

Editor's Note: On rare occasions we print an email from one of our readers in "On The Table" for those who forget to read Reader Mail. In the particular exchange (below), Peter revisits one of his favorite subjects. -WG

I appreciate your column and have been following for years. I rarely write in, but had to reach out after seeing a new Chevy commercial for the Malibu. I'm sure you've seen it – after removing badges, a group of consumers comment on how the car reminds them of a BMW or Audi.

What value is this commercial providing? I am at a loss.

I'm sorry, but anyone familiar with BMW is not going to confuse this car with a BMW. People aren't buying this car as a poor man's BMW. Toyota Avalon at Camry pricing? Maybe.

I'm really struggling with the goal of this message. What am I missing?

Tim
Charleston, South Carolina

Editor-In-Chief's Note: You're not missing a damn thing, Tim. What you're seeing is an advertising agency completely capitulating to the whims of clients who believe that glorified retail advertising is the way to go for national advertising. It's similar to what Buick marketers are doing with their advertising. Where is the compelling reason to even look at a Malibu, let alone a Chevrolet? Where's the compelling reason for Buick in those commercials for that matter, other than to say "I didn't know that was a Buick?" It's rampant mediocrity and unmitigated bullshit. The problem? GM doesn't have a Chief Marketing Officer (CMO) to provide direction and inspiration. As a matter of fact, GM is the largest company in the world without a CMO, something I've railed against in many previous columns. And without a CMO inevitably the account drones and spineless weasel clients run roughshod over everything. And the result is what you see on the screen. It is unconscionable and simply unforgivable. -PMD

(Honda)
Honda will launch its five-passenger Clarity Fuel Cell sedan in select California communities "before the end of 2016" according to their PR minions. The next-generation Honda FCV is said to provide significant gains in packaging, interior space and real-world performance, including an anticipated driving range in excess of 300 miles, according to the manufacturer. The new platform underpinning the Clarity Fuel Cell sedan will also serve as the base for a next-generation Honda plug-in hybrid that will launch in the U.S. by 2018. The expected price for the Clarity Fuel Cell sedan will be around $60,000 with a targeted monthly lease under $500.

(Images courtesy of Porsche)
Porsche is calling the latest generation of its mid-engine roadsters the 718 Boxster (shown in gray) and 718 Boxster S (shown in red). Why? Because they allegedly pay homage to the flat-four cylinder engines that were used in the mid-engine Porsche 718 sports car, which won numerous races back in the late 1950s and early 1960s. They don't, but it's good PR minion-generated spin anyway. The revamped Boxster models have more power, fuel efficiency and better handling, according to Porsche. The big news is the newly developed, turbocharged flat four-cylinder engines. The 718 Boxster generates 300HP from two liters of displacement and 280 lb.-ft. of torque, while the 718 Boxster S uses a 2.5-liter engine developing 350HP and 309 lb.-ft. of torque. The S-model also employs a turbocharger with variable turbine geometry. The new engines develop 35 more horsepower compared to those of the previous Boxster and are also up to 14 percent more efficient than their predecessors according to the New European Driving Cycle. EPA fuel economy figures will be available at a later date. 
A completely retuned suspension and uprated brakes are part of the new Boxsters. There are design tweaks throughout as well. Every body part except for the luggage compartment lids, the windshield and the convertible top has been changed.
Inside, a newly designed dash panel is visible and the latest generation of Porsche Communication Management (PCM) with a state-of-the-art touchscreen is included as standard. The navigation module is available as an option. The 718 Boxster models come standard with a six-speed manual transmission. The Porsche Doppelkupplungsgetriebe (PDK), which now features fuel-saving virtual gears, is available as an option. 
New 19-inch wheels are standard on the 718 Boxster S. Twenty-inch wheels are available.
The 718 Boxster – when equipped with PDK and the Sport Chrono Package – accelerates from zero to 60 mph in 4.5 seconds (0.7 seconds faster than the previous model). The 718 Boxster S outfitted with the same options reaches 60 mph in 4.0 seconds (0.5 seconds faster than its predecessor). The top track speed of the 718 Boxster is 170 mph (8 mph faster than before), and the 718 Boxster S can achieve a top track speed of 177 mph (5 mph faster than previously). The 718 Boxster and Boxster S are on sale now and will reach U.S. dealers in late June 2016. The 718 Boxster has a starting MSRP of $56,000, and the 718 Boxster S starts at $68,400, excluding the $1,050 destination charge.

Check out the latest episode of The High-Octane Truth on AutoextremistTV below. -WG