ON THE TABLE

November 28, 2012

Fisker. The car company has hired ex-GM CMO Joel Ewanick to help them out as a consultant on an interim basis. Good move. They need all the quality help they can get.

 AdAge, Olivier Francois. Editor-in-Chief's Note: In naming the Chrysler Group the magazine's Marketer of the Year, the ad rag attributes Fiat-Chrysler's 37% increase in sales to Olivier "I'm a genius just ask me" Francois's advertising brilliance, conveniently ignoring the overall increase in the market and the fact that the True Believers in Auburn Hills who actually design, engineer and build the stuff that define Fiat-Chrysler's product renaissance are the ones truly responsible. But hey, they cover advertising and they're in New York, so what do they know about the car business, right? They are attracted to bright shiny things and that's about as far as it gets. The one nugget from the article worth noting is that "criticism is a sensitive issue for Mr. Francois," according to AdAge. "My objective is not to be judged by some angry journalists but to deliver sales," he said. Wow. I don't know what is more surprising about Francois's comment, that he is stunned that there are rational people (aka "angry journalists") out there who don't buy his act? Or the fact that it sounds like he actually believes he's singularly responsible - along with The Great Sergio, of course - for Fiat-Chrysler's existence? For the record, I'm not "angry" in the least, Francois, in case you're wondering. I'm just able to calmly see through the egomaniacal, self-promoting, sanctimonius bullshit expertly proffered by you and Marchionne, and I call you on it. And it pisses both of you off. Too bad. I'm just getting warmed up. - PMD

Editor's Note: A Mr. Sam Hemingway, from Bainbridge Island, Washington, took umbrage with Peter's perspectives on Sergio Marchionne and Fiat-Chrysler calling it "problematic" and a "vendetta." You can read Peter's response (which is also in Reader Mail) below. - WG

Editor-in-Chief's Note: First of all, the notion that I have a vendetta against anyone at Chrysler is so off the mark it qualifies as unmitigated bullshit. The conspiracy theory is that I worked for Chrysler back during the Daimler ownership era and they fired me. Not true. I did have a one-year consulting contract, I fulfilled that contract, and then I left. Were they already going down at that point? Yes. The planets were aligned for the Germans to screw it up royally. But it mattered little to me and still doesn't, there was no lingering animosity whatsoever on my part. End of story.

The facts - which everyone wants to conveniently forget about when it comes to Sergio Marchionne and his crew - are the following...

1. The U.S. government flat-out "gifted" Chrysler to Marchionne. Heading a fading, family-owned car company that languished in perpetual cardiac arrest because of its intransigent unions and piss-poor products - except for Ferrari, of course - Marchionne saw an opportunity to grab a North American manufacturing base and potential profit center for Fiat for a song. And that's exactly what he did. Far from genius material, this only qualifies him as being the Opportunist of the Century, as Washington had zero options. At the end of the first year of ownership Fiat had to come up with something like $4.5 billion. Total. That's a gift, folks.

2. Every single product that has propelled Chrysler's so-called "turnaround" was in place before Marchionne ever set foot in Auburn Hills. Every single one. The only vehicle that wasn't was the Dart, but believe me, that's not where the profits are coming from or will come from anytime soon. The people responsible for the uptick in the company's fortunes are the True Believers in Design, Engineering and Product Development at Chrysler who were toiling away long before the Italians arrived. I have always distinguished between the True Believers in Auburn Hills who did - and do - the heavy lifting and actual work from the carpetbagging opportunists from Italy. And I will continue to do so.

3. Back to the "genius" of Marchionne. He has based his whole idea for global domination of the car biz on the relaunch of the Alfa Romeo brand here and around the world. I think that's flat-out ludicrous and I'm not the only one in this industry who thinks so, either. And guess what? Now that the European auto market is in near collapse Marchionne's grand scam, I mean scheme, is coming apart at the seams. He just announced that Fiat doesn't have the money to pay for the rest of Chrysler. Read that again and if it doesn't sink in you shouldn't be reading AE to begin with. That means that Marchionne's grand plan for a new product lineup based on Alfa Romeos is now completely up in the air. Remember, folks, he has promised for years something along the lines of as many as six new Alfa-based products in-market here by 2014. That ain't happenin' as they say here in Dee-troit. To make matters worse, the situation in Europe for Fiat is so bleak that five months ago Marchionne went so far as to suggest that the manufacturers get together and agree on profit margins, so that they all could survive. VW laughed. Because that's who Marchionne was targeting with his plea. VW's "scorched earth" policy in the European market rankled Marchionne to no end. They despise each other because of it, and as best as I can tell, for good reason, but I side with VW on this. Marchionne was so far out of line, it was embarrassing. The rest of the industry just winced. In case you're wondering, Marchionne will stop at nothing to save his ass. His ego won't allow anything or anyone to get in the way of his carefully crafted image as industry seer and savior. Even collusion. Oh, some of you out there don't think his image is "crafted" - ? Please.

4. Fiat-Chrysler is now totally dependent on the True Believers in Auburn Hills for its survival, and that's no surprise in the least. Fiat, as it has been for oh, 40 years or so, is a pretend car company with one family jewel. The "family" will buy Marchionne's vision for just so long but even the Italians back in the home country are growing tired of his act, so it's going to get interesting in a hurry, especially if Fiat ceases to function in Italy, which believe me is not beyond the realm of possibility.

5. Marchionne's manic management style, which has him having something like 30+ direct reports, is a recipe for future disaster. Marchionne has set up Fiat-Chrysler to run with only one guy - Marchionne - at the helm, and when he bolts the company will once again be in disarray. Don't think there's any chance of that happening ever again? Please. There is no Fiat-Chrysler management structure after Marchionne leaves, and believe me that's exactly the way he wants it to be. That's so he can sit back and say, "See, it was only my brilliance that powered the company. Without me, I knew the whole thing would come to a halt," thus fulfilling the only scenario that his considerable ego would allow.

6. Back to that carefully-crafted image. Marchionne's "act" in this town is so transparently disingenuous I find it to be disgusting. Many of the AE readers don't live around here and aren't exposed to the constant bleating of Fiat-Chrysler's PR handlers - led by one Gualberto Raineri (who, as I've stated previously, is a graduate of "Unctuous Prick University") - who portray Marchionne as a "man of the people" and one who deeply cares about the city. I'm not buying it. And for those who do you're just naive about the ways of media manipulation as practiced by Marchionne and his handlers. These guys have this town rolling out the red carpet for Marchionne on a daily basis, and the slavish media in this town and who cover this industry at large should be ashamed of themselves for not seeing through the Fog of Bullshit laid down by these espresso-fueled opportunists.

7. As for Olivier Francois, he's a mildly talented self-promoting fop perfectly suited for Marchionne's ego, and I absolutely refuse to give him a free pass, unlike the rest of the media world. As an ex-advertising guy I can smell Francois's act from a mile away because I've seen a hundred of his ilk come and go in this business, so I find the constant canonization of him to be laughable and embarrassing. Do you want me to play ad critic? Okay, the first Eminem Super Bowl spot was well done and well-executed, but in typical fashion Francois's marketers then beat it to death and reduced its impact with every subsequent iteration. The second Super Bowl spot with Clint Eastwood was a flat-out disaster and painfully embarrassing, especially given the fact that these arrogant carpetbaggers had the temerity to tell us what it's like to be Americans living in America. Absolute dreck, on every level. The only spot that has emerged under Francois's reign that I would qualify as "brilliant" was the launch spot for the Dart that covered the development of the car. It was outstanding. But I don't call him Olivier "I'm a genius, just ask me" Francois for nothing. He is in sync with his boss, a self-promoting master who has snowed almost everybody - almost - in to thinking that these guys are akin to the Second Coming in this industry, the smartest guys in the room on so many levels that we're fortunate just to be able to bask in their brilliance.

Well I say bullshit to all of that.

I will continue to call Marchionne and his band of carpetbaggers out for their blatant manipulations every step of the way. And I will continue to differentiate the True Believers out in Auburn Hills - the ones who actually are powering Fiat-Chrysler - from the smarmy Italians whose only purpose in life is to suck the profits from this company on their way out the door. Because I've never wavered since Day One of this publication from talking about things that the rest of the media hordes will only talk about in "deep background" or in some "off the record" conversations in a bar. And if some of you out there don't like it, too frickin' bad.

The High-Octane Truth ain't for the faint of heart. And if you think you know this business from afar or have gleaned its nuances in a fifteen-minute Google deep dive, think again. As most people in this business know, it's the stuff I don't write about that I'm privy to know that would really rock the industry to its core. - PMD

(Porsche)
Porsche has taken the wraps off of the new Cayman at the 2012 Los Angeles Auto Show. The third generation of the mid-engine Cayman - the true connoisseur's Porsche as far as driving is concerned - has been re-engineered from the ground up, according to Porsche. It is lower, longer, lighter and faster, more efficient and more powerful. Available in Cayman and Cayman S versions, the new car has a longer wheelbase, wider track and and larger wheels. The Cayman is powered by a 2.7-liter engine with 275HP and with the Sport Chrono package accelerates from a 0 to 60 mph in 5.1 seconds. The 3.4-liter engine in the Cayman S produces 325HP and with the PDK gearbox and Sport Chrono package it reaches 60 mph from a standstill in 4.4 seconds. The Cayman is priced at $52,600 and the Cayman S is $63,800 (not including a destination charge of $950). The new cars will arrive in dealerships in the Spring of 2013.  

 

(Images courtesy of Ford)
The 2014 Ford Fiesta will be unveiled at the Los Angeles Auto Show. The powertrain lineup for the new Fiesta is anchored by the new 1.0-liter three-cylinder EcoBoost® engine that delivers excellent performance and over 40 mpg. The new Fiesta is fitted with new features and technologies but the big news for enthusiasts is the high-performance Fiesta ST. A new high-output variant of Ford's 1.6-liter four-cylinder EcoBoost engine delivers 197 horsepower and 214 lb.-ft. of torque. Available exclusively as a five-door hatchback in North America and with a six-speed manual gearbox, Fiesta ST is projected to achieve up to 34 mpg.

(GM)
The Chevrolet Spark EV will make its debut at the L.A. Auto Show. The range for the little Sparky is expected to be among the best in the EV segment. The Spark EV features an advanced U.S.-built motor and drive unit that delivers best-in-class acceleration, according to GM. The Spark EV has two seven-inch, high-resolution LCD screens that display key vehicle functions and infotainment. An optional SAE Combo DC Fast Charging capability enables the Spark EV to charge to 80 percent in 20 minutes. Initial markets include California, Oregon, Canada, South Korea and other global markets.

(BMW)
BMW is unveiling the new i3 Concept Coupe at the L.A. Auto Show, "... a particularly nimble and emotive version of its concept for sustainable premium-class motoring with zero local emissions," according to the manufacturer. The electric i3 Concept Coupe "has been brought out in parallel to the ongoing development process for getting the first ever all-electric model from the BMW i brand ready for series production, and demonstrates the potential for conceivably extending the model range." That's one way of looking at it.

(BMW)
The MINI Paceman will go on sale beginning March 16, 2013. The MINI Paceman will be available here in three versions at launch – MINI Cooper Paceman with a base price of $23,900, the turbocharged MINI Cooper S Paceman ($27,500) and the Cooper S Paceman with ALL4 ($29,200) – all of which will be available from March 2013 – including $700 D&H charge. The engines available at launch for Cooper and Cooper S versions of the MINI Paceman, deliver 121HP and 181HP respectively, and come with a six-speed manual gearbox as standard, with a six-speed automatic available as an option.  The MINI ALL4 all-wheel-drive system is offered as an option for the MINI Cooper S Paceman.

(BMW)
The MINI John Cooper Works GP will make its U.S. debut in L.A. The fastest MINI ever built, according to BMW, the GP has 211HP and goes 0 to 60 mph in 5.9 seconds with a top speed of 150 mph. Extensively equipped with John Cooper Works motor sport technology, the GP is a limited edition of only 2,000 units to be built starting in 2012 with 500 allocated to customers in the U.S. market. The price? $39,950.

(Porsche)
 Porsche Cars North America, Inc. celebrated the groundbreaking of its new headquarters on Tuesday (the 27th), to be known as One Porsche Drive. The new facility is adjacent to Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport and the 26.4-acre site is the first complex to be built in the “Aerotropolis Atlanta” business district. Most of Porsche’s North American operations will be consolidated under one roof once the new facility is finished in the second half of 2014. Ultimately, One Porsche Drive will house 400 employees, including 100 jobs that will be new to Georgia. In addition to corporate offices, it will also be comprised of a Technical Service and Training Center, a Conference Center and a Museum. As an industry first, the Porsche headquarters campus will feature a Customer Experience Center including a 1.6-mile test track and handling road course to showcase the capabilities of Porsche’s vehicles. “This world-class facility underscores our commitment to customers and dealers in the United States, which remains the single largest market for Porsche vehicles,” said Detlev von Platen, President and CEO, Porsche Cars North America. “Today’s ceremony also symbolizes Porsche putting down permanent roots here in Atlanta, a city we have proudly called home since 1998.”

Editor-in-Chief's Note: This week's "quick take" has us in the 2013 Audi S7 quattro S tronic. As I said in my Rant this week, the Power of Profitability cannot be overstated in the S7, which is an homage to the now time-honored tradition of German auto manufacturers' artful manipulation of the option list (a title permanently retired by Porsche). Be that as it may, what did I think of the S7? It's gorgeous to look at, artfully executed throughout (the interior is simply impeccable) and it whooshes down the road in an impressively seamless fashion that borders on the remarkable. Amazingly enough it feels a bit underpowered for its stats, but I attribute that to its weight and its brilliant noise control. Make no mistake it's plenty quick, but I would never use the term raucous to describe the Audi V8 as it does its work in the S7. Refined is maybe a better word. But then refinement is as much a part of the way Audi goes about its business as riveting design is, so it's no surprise. Overall, I liked the S7 - a lot. But then again, what's not to like, except for the price? I realize the S7 slots neatly under the A8, but still, $94,000? Yes, I could easily do without the "Innovation package" which, as in other cars, I find to be relentlessly annoying, so I would save myself $5600 right there. To me these electronic packages represent a conscious effort by car companies to recognize that drivers these days have limited capabilities, so they're forced to engineer some lowest common denominator gadgets into cars for the drivers out there who are too busy to give a shit about the actual act of driving. A sad commentary indeed. But then again, I know there are people out there who just have to have every gadget known to man, so I'm sure they'll check that box with glee. Which also gleefully jacks up Audi - and the VW Group's - profitability even more. C'est la vie. The S7 is a stunning car, as close as one can get to the very essence of the contemporary art of making great automobiles. - PMD

2013 Audi S7 quattro S tronic: $94,570 ($78,800 Base Price; Phantom Black pearl effect, $475; Black/Lunar Silver interior; Black headliner, Carbon Atlas inlays, $500; 4.0-liter TFSI V8 with 420HP and 406 lbs-ft of torque with Audi Cylinder on Demand technology; 7-speed S-tronic automatic gearbox with sport program and manual shift mode; quattro permanent all-wheel-drive system with sports rear differential; 19" alloy wheels with summer performance tires; Electromechanical vehicle speed-sensitive power steering; Bang & Olufsen Advanced Sound System, $5900; Innovation package - Audi adaptive cruise control with stop & go, Audi pre sense plus, Audi active lane assist & side assist, Head-up display, Night vision assistant, Cornerview camera system, Power folding exterior mirrors - $5,600; LED headlights with LED DRLs, $1400; 20" alloy wheels with summer tires, $1,000; Front filler panel; Destination Charge, $895.)

Adherence to Brand Image: While Mercedes and BMW continue to engage in their juvenile, old-school sales wars in this market, Audi continues to focus on what it does best, which is to craft fundamental desirability throughout its product lineup. It took fifteen long years to get where Audi is today, and the company did it by focusing on what really matters, which is design and engineering execution (proven at the most prestigious endurance road race in the world, the 24 Hours of Le Mans), and an equally relentless adherence to its newly defined and emboldened image. They went after the influencers in the media and the industry first, then the enthusiasts, and now the consumer public is buying in too.  The result? Audi is the new luxury-performance standard. And the S7 frankly oozes Audi-ness and lives up to its role as one of the industry show horses impeccably. - PMD

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