IT’S ALL HAPPENING.
Monday, November 22, 2021 at 10:30AM Editor's Note: Peter and I were talking about this week's column, and the notion of doing a "thankful" column rang hollow. Not that we're not incredibly thankful for a lot of reasons - because we are - but things are so precarious and dark in our land right now that it somehow feels inappropriate. So, I decided we'd run this previous column, which displays a side of Peter that few people are aware of. The edgy Autoextremist needs no introduction, of course. But this column is special. Peter's Rant takes the form of an ode to this particularly fraught time in the business. Strange days indeed. (And don't forget to check out our all-new items in On The Table, Fumes and The Line.) -WG
By Peter M. DeLorenzo
Detroit.
The darkness beckons at 3:00 a.m.
A cup or two or three to jump-start me
The news is weird, spinning like a top
On one side, sketchy optimism
On the other, the ugly reality
Believe your eyes, not the stories
On the way to the EV Promised Land
The bumps and grinds and promises
Are getting to be a bit too much
The Future is starry bright, if we just hang on
But '23, '24, '25?
Who has that kind of time?
Flying cars and IPOs
Takeovers in the search for more control
The bootlickers and the shallow men
Hankerin’ for another piece
Elbows out juggling empty lots
Something tells me we’ve lost the plot
It’s all happening
Everything all the time
The media goes on genuflectin’
Not even pretendin’
Why bother askin’ when no one’s watchin’?
The newly anointed King can do no wrong
Pay no attention to those flyin’ roofs
They’re just a blip on the way to sainthood
The Sturm und Drang oozes
It’s the Swirling Maelstrom writ large
The chaos is the juice, or is the juice the chaos?
Pay no attention to that PR Man Behind the Curtain
The tongue is forked, the agenda is clear
And don’t kid yourself, the chips still set the tone
The bad taste is palpable
The wait is long and debilitating
Even Godot has come and gone
But don’t worry, it won’t be long now
Wide-open promises, unlimited profits
Just don’t ask when or how
It’s all happening
Everything all the time
It’s all about the content, stupid
Leveraging everything that moves
There’s gold in them thar subscriptions
Revenue for the taking
Stop calling it a car company
It’s a tech company in the making
Forget about Old School
There’s no future in old
The sooner we get with the program
And leave the past behind
The better off we’ll be
It’s as simple as a-b-c
The Wall Street Willies call the shots
It’s all about what they’re gonna say and do
Thumbs up and the stock soars
Thumbs down and we told you so
What about the consumers?
As long as they’re payin’ their monthlies, who cares?
It’s all happening
Everything all the time
The prognosticators are having a field day
Making it up on the fly
Forget about tea leaves
Now it’s watching chip dust through an hour glass
Do they really know what’s coming?
Or are they just spewing by the by?
We’ll get it all sorted out
Or so they say
But who is “they” anyway?
What have they ever done to deserve
More than a glance and a glimpse
As we ride on by?
Batteries on the brain
Cheaper better faster
Smaller lighter longer
The ICE Era is over
Or sometime soon
It was a good long run, Baby
It’s all happening
Everything all the time
Too many promises
Too much optimism
Waiting for a trigger
So everything comes good
I’ve seen this movie before
It never ends well
The hucksters have come out of the woodwork
New companies in name only
It’s gonna be great
Until the inevitable wreck
When there’s no “there” there
What did you expect?
In the meantime the dealers
Are hangin’ by a thread
This crisis is messin’ with their heads
They can’t sell what they don’t have
Empty lots, empty promises
Can we interest you in a ‘17 Lexus?
The darkness hovers
Just as black at 5:00 a.m.
How can that be?
And what have we learned?
Nothing new, nothing much
It’s complicated
It’s all happening
Everything all the time
And that’s the High-Octane Electrified Truth for this week.