AN ENTIRELY NEW DIMENSION OF ABJECT STUPIDITY BROUGHT TO YOU BY BMW.

By Peter M. DeLorenzo

Detroit. Readers of this column know that I have been documenting BMW’s excruciating slide to oblivion for many years now. Once the little German auto company that could – defined by its crisp sports sedans that were unlike anything else on the road – BMW has transformed itself into a purveyor of bloated, overwrought SUVs, porky sedans and some of the most hideous looking vehicles on the road.

What the hell happened?

Was it the pressure of trying to compete with its traditional rival, Mercedes-Benz? After all, these two manufacturers egged each other on to chase new segments – both real and imagined – to their everlasting detriment. Was it the fear of trying to remain an independent car company? This led to insane volume targets and the absurd notion that they could actually place a BMW in every garage in America. Or, was it a measure of hubris and delusional thinking that was exponentially more virulent than any found in the Motor City? The first two points I mentioned had a bit to do with BMW’s fall, but it is my last point that is directly responsible for most of it.

How else can you explain the abject stupidity polluting the social media landscape BMW has been responsible for of late? BMW operatives have decided to take the brilliant marketing approach of insulting their older buyers – you know, the ones who put and have kept BMW on the map – by suggesting they are out of touch and not worth keeping around anyway. And when those buyers registered their unhappiness with BMW’s marketing approach, company marketers responded with the now comical “Ok, Boomer.” Which, naturally, unleashed a furious torrent of derision aimed at BMW, and deservedly so.

But that monumentally misguided waste of time brought to life by BMW marketers was only setting the table for an even more egregious mistake: a remarkably insulting and flat-out stupid video that BMW operatives had the temerity to unveil at the recently completed CES. You can watch it here, but I warn you that you won’t get through it without a few well-placed "WTFs?" and "OMGs!"

Where do I begin? It insults BMW’s current customer base in such a way that I wouldn’t be surprised if a large percentage of those buyers, after seeing it, never darken another BMW showroom again. As if that weren’t enough, it insults older buyers – again, BMW’s bread and butter – to such a degree that it is almost beyond comprehension. After watching this unmitigated bullshit – the video goes on for an excruciating four minutes – it is clear to me that in their quest to send the message that BMW is no longer interested in buyers over 40, or anyone saddled with an “old” ICE-powered BMW, BMW operatives have managed to declare to the world that they are not only wildly out of touch with reality, but that they’re too stupid to understand why anyone who sees this video would have the temerity to react negatively. 

It is not uncommon for automotive marketers to get lost in the dulcet tones of their own thought balloons, but the level of grandiose delusion and unfettered hubris on display here defies all rational thinking. And, to make matters worse, BMW operatives have assumed the attitude that they can’t help it if we’re all too stupid to see “brilliance” when it is presented to us. That’s the hoary, “you’re just not hip enough to understand” chestnut that automotive marketing (and design) types trot out when it suits them. Translation? “We know what’s right and righteous, and you don’t. So, get over it.” 

The people involved in this insulting fiasco should be terminated immediately. And that includes all the way up the food chain to the top executives who actually sat in a conference room and pronounced it “good.” To say that BMW has completely lost it was news maybe ten years ago. This? This is an entirely new dimension of abject stupidity.

But before I close this week, I need to return to the earlier mention that BMW is responsible for some of the most hideous looking vehicles on the road. Feast your eyes on the monstrosity below.

C

(BMW)

This is the BMW iX. And this is what BMW PR minions have to say about it: "A vision is turning into reality, as the BMW Vision iNEXT becomes the BMW iX. With time still to go before its expected U.S. market launch in the early 2022 and with the series development phase ongoing, BMW is providing a first look ahead at the future BMW iX. The BMW iX is the first model based on a new, modular, scalable architecture on which the future of the BMW Group will be built. Conceived from the outset as purely electric mobility, the iX sees BMW redefining the successful Sports Activity Vehicle (SAV) concept. The BMW iX has been created to provide something beyond just mobility – an exhilarating driving experience combined with a sense of well-being for both drivers and passengers all the while enjoying the journey with safety, security, and a new form of luxury in the process." 

My response? I have been in and around this business for a very long time. And I can deduce when a product is so far off of the mark that it will be sales-proof the moment it hits dealer showrooms. This is one of those times. This rolling monument to mediocrity is an example of design hubris the likes of which we haven't seen since the Edsel. This mobile atrocity sends the convincing message that BMW is fully intent on becoming an also-ran car company going forward. Irrelevant and offensive are not exactly the words marketing campaigns are based on. What a frickin' joke.

So here we are. BMW’s stunning pirouette into mediocrity continues. And BMW operatives are seemingly hell-bent on running the whole enterprise into the ground, while telling us were just not hip enough to understand.

Nicely done, you unmitigated hacks.

And that’s the High-Electron truth for this week.