A BRAVE NEW BRAND WORLD.

By Peter M. DeLorenzo

Detroit. As the articles about the brave new transportation world just around the corner multiply, carefully nuanced discussion about the realities of what’s coming has given way to borderline hysteria. And now, as the snowball of commentaries turns into an avalanche, we’re being inundated with perspectives that cover the gamut from legitimate futurists to self-promoting hacks yearning for validity. As I said last week, I think it’s time to step back and take a deep breath.

But at the same time, to suggest that everything will be the same is to wallow in a level of delusion that is simply hard to fathom, because the changes - though slower than the aggressive, “Ding-dong the automobile is dead!” zealots would like everyone to believe - are coming and they will indeed be dramatic, altering everyday life as we know it. 

And when the automotive world is inexorably altered, the brands that we’ve come to know and believe in with varying degrees of certainty will be severely altered, too, if not disappear outright. And to be honest, at this point, would you miss some of them?

So, let’s take a trip on the road to The Future, and see how your favorite brand – and brands that aren’t even a force yet – fare. 

Acura. Once upon a time this brand allegedly represented Honda’s best thinking, although it rarely lived up to that lofty goal. It turns out that the current NSX would be the last highpoint for the brand, as once Honda merges with General Motors in 2022, Acura will cease to exist. The only thing that will survive from Acura is the “calipers” emblem, which will now grace the front of Honda’s fuel cell and autonomous vehicles.

Apple. Arrogance intact – no big surprise – Apple enters the autonomous ride sharing market with its “Air” automotive brand. The big selling point, according to Apple, is the ghostly, almost translucent bodywork on its vehicles, which allows people to see how hip the owners are.

Alfa Romeo. Before the St. Valentine’s massacre in 2019, when the Hyundai conglomerate buys FCA, lock, stock and espresso machines, Marchionne & Co. will spin off Alfa Romeo in the hopes that it will become a gold mine. Instead, it returns to being even more of a niche of a niche Italian brand than it is now, eventually fading from the American landscape by 2025.

Aston Martin. The British automaker continues to wave its luxury flag high, offering ICE-powered cars for the foreseeable future, while slowly but surely getting its electric/autonomous game face on. After expanding into all forms of luxury, from boats to private jets, Aston will be a survivor.

Audi. Steadfastly clinging to its “four rings” moniker, Audi will remain the mainstream luxury spear-carrier for the VW Group, adjusting its portfolio to 20 percent ICE entries – mainly for driving enthusiasts – while churning out a dizzying array of electric vehicles with autonomous capability when desired. Against all odds, Audi retains its icy German persona, even after being electrified.

Bentley. Abandoning all vestiges of its past, Bentley goes fully electric with autonomous capability for all of its vehicle offerings. Then, when its German overlords realize that no one really cares about electric Bentleys, they do an about-face and start churning out throwback ICE luxury-performance cars in 2026, to much industry-wide acclaim.

BMW. With “The Ultimate Driving Machine” advertising theme long since jettisoned to the dustbin of history, the automobile company once named BMW renames itself Happy Life. Churning out electric and autonomous vehicles to cover every possible market niche, as well as a few ICE-powered cars for the enthusiasts who still remember, Happy Life is acquired by Jaguar Land Rover in 2025, and is put to sleep in 2028 for being inconsequential and superfluous. 

Buick. The division of General Motors remains content to ride the ICE-powered slant on the automobile business, and finds its niche there. Targeting American consumers comfortable with “the way things used to be,” Buick plugs along selling nostalgia to American and Chinese consumers alike, right up until the point when China bans all ICE-powered transportation devices.

Cadillac. After chasing every possible German-esque (aka Audi) automotive quality it could mimic over the years and squandering one of the most hallowed automotive legacies of all time, once Cadillac goes all-in for electric and autonomous cars it finally runs out of people who care about the brand. A hard-core group of True Believers left at GM attempts to resurrect the brand at the end of the next decade, but by then it’s too late. Cadillac dies a miserable, lonely death here in the U.S. – except for the Escalade (see below) – and it will be sold only in China, renamed “Shining Light.”

Chevrolet. The once-proud GM brand is split into two. One half is relegated to building faceless, colorless transportation devices for the masses, with the iconic bowtie emblem jettisoned in favor of a stylized “thumbs-up” logo, signifying its new moniker - “UP.” The other half makes profitable Silverado pickups and SUVS, where you can still find the prominently placed bowtie on the front and back.

Chrysler. The brand dies in the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre of 2019. Hyundai utilizes its minivan architecture for a while, but any knowledge of the brand will soon only be found in automotive history books.

Corvette. The hotbed of GM True Believers young and old, Corvette becomes the performance brand for the corporation. Churning out predominantly ICE-powered machines – from two-seat sports cars to sedans and coupes (Camaro) and medium and large SUVs (including the Escalade) - with hybrid assist, the Corvette brand becomes one of the last bastions for enthusiasts and cool stuff around the world. 

Dodge. After the St. Valentine’s Massacre of 2019 goes down, a group of True Believers remaining in Auburn Hills arranges for financing to buy the Dodge brand from the Hyundai Group and continues to build muscle machines and police cars. Once the police car business dries up due to the fact that police agencies all over the country go fully electric, American Muscle Motors continues to build about 1,000 cars a year until 2030.

Fiat. The failed Italian brand withdraws from the U.S. market all together, existing only for wistful nostalgia-istas back in the old country. 

Ferrari. Thankfully existing as a full-blown ICE-powered high-performance brand with hybrid assist, Ferrari makes a comeback of sorts after Sergio Marchionne’s grand plan to turn Ferrari into an “all things for all people” brand is met with stiff resistance. After the company is removed from Marchionne’s control in 2023, Ferrari blossoms again, even though the least expensive Ferrari will cost $750,000 by then.

Ford. After pursuing every possible way to become a cell phone-like technology player, Ford does a “180” and goes back to building real cars, trucks and SUVs for real people. Driven by its historic ad theme “Opening the Highways to All Mankind,” Ford survives by being the honest American brand.

Genesis. Just about the time that Hyundai actually instills its luxury brand with real mojo, the all-electric movement coupled with the autonomous imperative stops the brand in its tracks. Hyundai rebrands all of its SUVs as “Genesis” and leaves the rest of its offerings branded as Hyundais.

GMC. The other nostalgia brand in the GM portfolio, GMC soldiers on alongside Buick, although the “We Are Professional Grade” and “Like a Pro” marketing chatter is discarded in favor of the simple ad theme, “Faithfully.”

Honda. Once the powers that be at Honda acquiesced to the notion that they just couldn’t survive any longer by going it alone, its shocking merger with GM in 2022 turns out to be a very fruitful partnership indeed. Able to do a deep dive into shared technology, Honda comes up with a glittering array of advanced transportation vehicles that actually bristle with innovation, creative thinking and compelling design. Who knew?

Hyundai. After swallowing FCA whole for $20 billion, Hyundai lets Sergio & Co. keep the “F” and deletes the “C,” while retaining the Jeep and Ram Truck brands. While pouring more billions into both brands, Hyundai discovers that there’s an undeniable softening in the Ram Truck franchise, which is alarming, except that they can’t make enough all-electric Wranglers to keep up with demand, so the net-net of it is all good.

Infiniti. After power hungry Carlos Ghosn insists on making the Nissan-Renault-Mitsubishi alliance the King of the Automotive World, the Infiniti brand becomes a casualty of the Fog of War and falls by the wayside. Consumers stopped caring after Ghosn started badge-engineering Leafs and calling them Infinitis, reminding automotive historians of the dark days of the Cadillac Cimarron.

Jaguar. Flush from making money hand-over-fist for years, the conversion to 80 percent fully electric and 20 percent ICE-powered Jaguars goes smoothly. Because of this seamless transition to its product portfolio and the fact that their products are just so damn good, plus its decision not to cater to the ride-sharing fleets, Jaguar’s viability in the market grows.

Jeep. (see above)

Kia. The Korean brand partner to Hyundai undergoes a tumultuous upheaval as its “all hands on deck” foray into becoming the Korean BMW falls flatter than a skinny pancake. Forced to reassess itself yet again, Kia decides to build transportation for the masses, but since it’s doing what any number of manufacturers are already doing, it gets lost in translation, ceasing to exist by 2028.

Lamborghini. The German-financed Italian supercar company finally eclipses Ferrari as the most desirable exotic automotive brand in the world. Committed to fully-hybrid performance, Lamborghini not only stays true to itself, it undercuts Ferrari at every turn with better design, higher performance and an ultra-cool factor that Ferrari took for granted and walked away from years ago.

Land Rover. After a disastrous foray into trying to become the most luxurious all-electric SUV lineup by 2025, Land Rover operatives shove the pendulum back and decide to go back to offering primarily ICE-powered machines with electric assist. Land Rover enthusiasts are ecstatic.

Lexus. Toyota management decrees that not only will Lexus be fully electric, but Lexus models will be exclusively hydrogen electric fuel cell-powered. To no one’s surprise they pull it off and Lexus not only survives, but thrives.

Lincoln. After chasing their tails while trying to become fully electric, Lincoln operatives go back to hybrid-electric drivetrains and build SUV variations in small, medium and large. Except for the upcoming giant, old school Continental, which will utilize the Navigator architecture to create the most imposing luxury sedan on earth.

Lotus. With an infusion of endless Chinese money, Lotus finally becomes the high-performance sports car player it has always wanted to be, much to Porsche’s chagrin. With slick ICE/hybrid assist drivetrains, Lotus matches Porsche segment by segment with competitive, compelling machines.

Lyft. The Lyft product portfolio revolves around a tall, phone booth-like appliance that it hopes will become the obligatory autonomous ride-sharing device the world over. Except that it’s so ugly that people refuse to be caught dead in them. 

Maserati. Before Marchionne & Co. cash out of FCA, they spin off Maserati, too, thinking that it will become another Ferrari. It doesn’t happen. By 2025 about 3,000 Maserati cars and SUVs will be built per year, but will only be available in Europe.

Mazda. Fully embracing its SKYACTIV moniker, Mazda wrings every last drop of viability and fuel efficiency out of its ICEs, becoming the only automaker in the world to offer a full lineup of them. It remains a cult brand, but even smaller.

McLaren. The British supercar manufacturer that marches to the beat of its own drumming will continue to build exotic hybrid supercars that revel in their non-Italian provenance. Its fans remain committed and enthusiastic. 

Mercedes-Benz. Flailing around chasing every niche that Mercedes operatives can dream up – both real and imagined – the company is finally split in two. The “Vision” brand will cover the gamut of ride-sharing and autonomous appliances the company offers, while “AMG-Mercedes” continues building machines that people actually desire and want to drive.

Microsoft. Running an open-sourced design competition, Microsoft comes up with an autonomous/ride sharing/flying car that resembles George Jetsons' ride. But it doesn’t fly and its default setting leaves operators stranded with a blank screen by the side of the road, waiting to reboot.

Mini. BMW finally runs out of variations on the Mini theme, with the brand going away in 2023.

Mitsubishi. The “Mitsubishi Miracle” never materializes because consumers ultimately couldn’t be bothered to give a shit, even with The Ghosnster calling the shots. End of the road by 2024.

Nissan. Shaking the leaves from the trees, Carlos Ghosn goes all-in for all electric, giving Nissan every piece of new technology that he can get his hands on. Except that all Nissan buyers want to know is how much that Altima is a month.

Porsche. The proud franchise of the VW Group leads with advanced technology, compelling designs, riveting high-performance and a desirability factor that remains sky high. It’s just going to cost a lot more to enjoy it.

Ram Trucks. For some reason the Ram Truck franchise gets lost in translation once the Hyundai Group gets its hands on it. The reason? In typical Hyundai fashion company operatives believe they know better and think they can do it better than it has ever been done before. Because of that the Ram Truck brand will be on the ropes by 2025.

Rolls Royce. Somehow the brand for people who continuously ask, “What’s the point of having fuck you money if you never say fuck you?” soldiers on with advanced technology only when it’s appropriate because after all, people who buy a Rolls Royce aren’t into being constrained by range limitations, or other such tedium.

Subaru. The brand grudgingly transitions to hybrid technology but only on its terms, and only if it can keep its rabid enthusiast base happy.

Tesla. The Grand Poobah his own self, Elon Musk, finally grows tired of the whole auto thing and winds down Tesla, selling off its technology to whoever will give him the most cash money for it. The beginning of the end was the disastrous Model 3 rollout, which craters the company once and for all. Tesla will continue to exist in other areas (batteries, home systems, etc.) but it will be out of the auto business all together by 2023.

Toyota. Akio Toyoda so desperately wants Toyota to not be left at the gate – any gate – that Toyota throws billions upon billions at any technology that even has a wisp of validity. Not exactly a focused strategy, but Toyota has enough cash to chase windmills, and in the end it will be there, one way or the other.

Uber. It will be taken over by Lyft. And nobody cares.

Volvo/Geely. This emerging automotive juggernaut will be equal to the competition in every transportation challenge that it puts its mind to. Behold the next great automotive empire, one that will grow in significance in the New Mobility economy.

VW. The world’s dominant automotive conglomerate – much to ol’ Carlos’s chagrin - VW will continue to dominate in all phases of the transportation/mobility game.

WAYMO. They think they can, they think they can, but will they? Or will they just keep demonstrating their gee-wiz autonomous technology on perfect, sun-baked roads in Arizona?

As you can see, some prominent brands will remain strong and thrive, while others will fade from the scene. Some of those will be dearly lamented, while others will hover somewhere near good riddance.

This Brave New Brand World will hold many surprises yet to come. In the meantime, just consider this fair warning.

And that’s the High-Octane Truth for this week.