THE AUTOEXTREMIST

January 25, 2012

In The Land of Self-Important Pontification, a perfect place for an auto show.

By Peter M. De Lorenzo

(Posted 1/24, 1:00 p.m.) Detroit. This week marks the opening of the Washington D.C. Auto Show, and given the overall regulatory climate we live in today you would think Washington would be the very last place to hold an event that celebrates the automobile. After all this is the Nerd Nirvana where empty suits and public policy wonks go to thrive, a seething cauldron of incompetence, self-importance and more self-indulgent bullshit per square mile than any other place on earth.

Yet they have an auto show, and because the auto industry is now the personal whipping boy for a whole host of politicos, bureaucrats and regulators who are just itching to have an agenda that’s seemingly bulletproof from consumer outrage – at least for now – the automakers must pay attention.

A point of clarification is needed, however, because there are actually two Washington D.C. Auto Shows. There’s the one for all of the citizens in the Washington area who are actually interested in seeing the latest transportation offerings from the automotive world and who relish the opportunity to see the gee-whiz show cars of the moment.

And then there’s the one made for all of the politician stumblebums in our nation’s capital, so that they can justify their existence by playing the “moral imperative” card when it comes to creating legislation that would decimate our domestic automobile industry if left unchecked, reducing one of the pillars of this nation’s manufacturing base into a mere shadow of its former self. While couching all of it in the de rigueur argument of “more jobs” and with the goal of creating a blissful society of rainbows and bunny rabbits, because ta-dah, the evil horseless carriage will have finally been put to rest.

Yes, they aim to have us live in a picture-perfect land of forced electrification, where even our “other” cars and trucks would get 70+ mpg while emitting only a faint whiff of espresso, complete with all the visceral appeal of a three-day-old scone, and costing so damn much that no one in their right mind will want to pay for them.

Oh, but wouldn’t our valley be green and great?

No, not really, but then again that’s beside the point. Anyone still operating under the assumption that the politicos in Washington actually have the country’s best interests in mind, well, to say you have another thing coming would be the understatement of the year.

Legislating the very life out of the vehicles we drive in the name of creating a shiny happy green valley free of pollution and guilt while careening around Washington in Big Dog Suburbans and Escalades says it all. Let the “little people” – that would be us citizens in Inconsequential, USA – and the manufacturers deal with mileage mandates at the retail level. After all, they’ll give us enough incentives to (sort of) make it work out financially, and if not, well, too frickin’ bad.

Except that the American consumer has already spoken, and loud and clearly I might add. There is a plethora of huggable, high-mileage vehicles to buy out there in ConsumerVille right now and people are for the most part avoiding them in droves. Why? Because the technology costs too much and in order for most people to consider these vehicles, the government has had to put massive incentives on them. And even that hasn’t worked.

Is this any way to run a business? No. Is it any way to govern “for the people?” Oh, hell no, but then again we’re missing the point entirely. The point is that there is a cabal of politicians in Washington and Northern California, who know what’s best for this country when it comes to legislating the automobile, and whether we like it or not they’re going to jam high mileage standards and electrified vehicles down our throats until they ruin an entire industry and relegate the country to Tier 2 transportation status overnight.

Is that rational thinking? Well, no, but you’re expecting way too much and again the point is completely missing in action. This is about political agendas and egos and the ability to force their view of the world down our collective throats just because they can. And nothing more.

For a little added perspective and to put a finer, depressing point on the matter, we just witnessed a pathetic spectacle here in the Motor City a little more than a week ago when the EPA and NHTSA held a public hearing on the upcoming new fuel mileage regulations. This was, of course, a complete joke because the participating legislative minds had been made up long ago and the agendas had been etched in stone and sealed. All that was left was the grandstanding and the requisite pontificating, thus, the “hearing.”

And all the usual suspects showed up, of course, from the self-important politicians and the “we’ll show you” regulators, to the requisite whiners and doomsday advocates pleading for immediate crucifixion of the automobile through mileage strangulation. And then there was the UAW’s own Bob “King of Delusion” King, who made a complete fool of himself by suggesting that the stringent fuel mileage regulations would ultimately create thousands of jobs for his mired-on-life-support union, when every single reasoned assessment of what would really happen pointed to the contrary. (Then again no one has ever accused King of having complete control of his faculties at all times, so most observers seemed resigned to do what they always do after he speaks: shrug their shoulders and then completely ignore him.)

Do we need our vehicles to get better fuel economy and should we reduce our dependence on oil from cutthroat nations who hate our guts? Absolutely. But the way our esteemed politicians go about it would be laughable if it weren’t so egregiously malicious.

To actually engage on a quest to have our cars and trucks get the kind of blue sky mileage requiring that thousands of dollars be added to the cost of a vehicle is the regulatory environment we’re saddled with.

And it stinks.

Alas, here we are, with the so-called “Washington Auto Show” making the news this week. To the real people who really want to see the show and check the pulse of the auto industry at this point in time, enjoy it and have fun, because there are a lot of really great things to see and you deserve to have a real live auto show just like the rest of us.

To the rest of you out there who just can’t pry your eyes and ears away from a given news daypart, set your bullshit detectors to the “11” (for unmitigated) setting and understand that 98 percent of the rhetoric emanating from the Washington Auto Show this week is nothing more than serial pontificating at its sublimely ridiculous.

And remember one more thing while you’re at it: It’s not about you, or what you need, or what’s rational for your current financial situation in terms of acquiring transportation that works for you.

No, it’s about them. It’s about maliciously entrenched political agendas and it’s about what these political operatives deem to be acceptable and “right” for the rest of us – in their twisted, self-important minds anyway – when it comes to solving this nation’s transportation puzzle.

Even though it doesn’t make one damn lick of sense whatsoever.

And that’s the High-Octane Truth for this week.

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