ON THE TABLE

February 9, 2011

Ford. From the "Ford vs. Ferrari Wars, Round II" File comes word that the Dearborn-based automaker has sued Ferrari in Detroit federal court, saying the sports car maker has violated its trademark over the pickup truck name F-150. According to the Associated Press, the suit stems from the fact that Ferrari has named its new Formula 1 racer the "F150," and its creation of the website http://www.ferrarif150.com. Ford is asking a judge to block Ferrari from using the trademark in the U.S. saying that its trademark is being harmed. Ford also seeks unspecified damages from Ferrari. The Ferrari website says the "F150" marks the 150th anniversary of the unification of Italy. UPDATE: Ferrari said late Thursday that it will use the full name -- "Ferrari F150th Italia" -- for its 2011 Formula One car from now on in order to avoid any conflict with Ford.

Editor's Note: As is tradition around here this week's "On the Table" is filled with our impressions of the Super Bowl ads, among other things. You can see them all here. - WG  

Audi. Overwrought but mildly clever, Audi's "Release the Hounds" spot was nonetheless borderline tedious. We get the fact that Audi is after Mercedes-Benz but, really? Can we please move on from that positioning? The overall impression is that Audi's just trying too damn hard. You guys make excellent and in some cases even outstanding products. Tell us "Why Audi?" instead of showing another Mercedes in your commercials. Please.

BMW. We tried to find reason to care about "Defying Logic" with its whole "built in America" angle at its plant in South Carolina,  and "Changes" which used David Bowie's iconic song to make the point that BMW's modern diesels aren't the same stereotypical diesels, but both spots fell flat. The first one because when you show an assembly facility -- no matter how wonderful it is -- it leaves viewers cold and the second one because the overly exaggerated stereotypes of "old" diesels were ridiculous and worse, what a monumental waste of a classic Bowie song.

Mini. The "Cram it in the Boot" spot for the new Mini Countryman was absolutely dismal and an insult to anyone who has ever toiled in the ad biz. It wasn't the least bit funny and it underscored the fact that Mini's marketing stewards are clueless and well on their way to screwing the whole thing up. What a load of Bush League Bullshit.

 Bridgestone. We liked the "Reply All" and "Carma" spots. Bridgestone has been doing an excellent job at establishing the "It's Bridgestone, or nothing" theme line and these spots contributed positively to that mission.

Chrysler. Editor-in-Chief's Note: Superbly written and shot, the two-minute Chrysler "Born of Fire" spot with Eminem was a fantastic mood piece and quasi-documentary for this city, so in that regard of course we're going to give it our best rating. This town and  this region and the domestic automobile industry that sustains it have been through hell and back in the last 24 months. We watched as the economic meltdown crushed this town, and then we had to sit back in horror and watch such abysmal excuses for our government "leaders" as Richard "They Don't Call Me Dick for Nothin'" Shelby (R-Ala.), and Mitch "Which Way is the Wind Blowin' Again?" McConnell (R- Ky.) and other equally lesser lights like Nancy "I need a bigger plane" Pelosi grandstand at and around those Washington hearings, pontificating why Detroit and the domestic automobile industry was responsible for every ill in America, both real and imagined, and how Detroit - the city, town, and founding American industry - were, at the end of the day, merely expendable. We - and I say that collectively - had to justify our existence day after day as weasels in the media and malevolent politicians in Northern California and Washington vilified and hammered us relentlessly to the point where we actually started to believe that we weren't part of this country anymore. Either that or the country that we once knew had become so bitterly divisive that vast swaths of America had written Detroit and its iconic automobile industry off as being irrelevant or even worse, inconsequential. It wasn't pretty and it really pissed us off. And still does. So taking all of that into account, it's easy to see why that for those of us around here the Chrysler spot struck a deep and lasting chord.

But I am now going to throw some icy cold water on this spot -- and the reaction to it -- because it's simply out of hand. Our local media in particular has been flat-out sickening in its gushing, over-the-top praise, as if it was the only spot worth talking about on the Super Bowl. Well guess what? It wasn't. And it does no good for people in this town to say how great the spot was because ultimately what the people in this town think about it doesn't matter. It's what everyone else across America thinks about it. And by the way, Chrysler choosing the pathetic 200 for the spot was a monumental miss. The 200 remains a rolling monument to automotive tedium and no matter how much make-up and lipstick you put on a pig, it's still a pig. The spot should have featured the 300 or shouldn't have mentioned a specific car at all. It would have been just fine as a Chrysler corporate postcard to Detroit and leave it at that.

And now for the big questions. Will it make people around here feel better and will there be a lot of fist-pumping at their work places today? Yes. Will it make people outside of this city think better about Detroit for at least a minute? Maybe. Will it make people buy Chrysler products? I hate to break it to everyone out there, but no. - PMD

Chevrolet. We liked "Discovery," "Misunderstanding" and "Tommy." And we loved the "Glee" cast singing "See the U.S.A. in Your Chevrolet" during the episode of the show after the game. We didn't think "Status" was special enough, however, and "Al's Chevy" was tedious. The second "Transformers" movie was so horrifically bad that no one cares that there's a third one being planned. Enough already with that shit.

Hyundai. We thought "Anachronistic City" for the Sonata hybrid was a bit too precious, but then again, everything Hyundai does these days is borderline precious. They're just so darn in love with themselves it's beyond sickening. We did like the "Deprogramming" and "Hypnotized" spots for the Elantra, however.

Kia. "One Epic Ride" for the Optima? One Epic Waste of Time and Money.

Mercedes-Benz. "Welcome to the Family" was a huge miss for Mercedes. Trying to hammer home the whole "125 years" thing, they just blew this spot up big-time. It was a kaleidoscope of a bunch of ideas adding up to zero impact. And their attempt to add a hipness quotient to the mix with that self-aggrandizing hack P-Diddy? Pathetic.

VW. We think VW's "we're out to take over the world" product strategy sucks and will end up biting them in the ass, big-time, but the two spots they put on the Super Bowl were excellent. "The Force" with the kid trying to Darth Vader his way throughout the household, while ultimately connecting with his Dad's new Passat was very cute, but we liked "Black Beetle" much better. As a matter of fact, we think the next-gen Beetle could be interesting because of its California "kustom" styling combined with its 50s outlaw Porsche overtones. We're saying could be. We'll see.

 GM Design, Cadillac. Editor-in-Chief’s Note: Last week I took GM Design and Cadillac to task because rumors about the design of the next-gen CTS were not complimentary. Well, I am not going to reveal the who, what, when, where, why, or how of it all, but let’s just say I have been enlightened as to the depth and breadth of Cadillac’s upcoming product offensive. Within context of the upcoming ATS and XTS (both of which have been refined and made dramatically better, by the way), the CTS fits right in, with several notable improvements in look, feel and substance. Am I convinced it's totally excellent? Not quite, but it will come into focus better when you take the rest of the lineup into consideration. And Cadillac’s future interiors continue to “wow” and are very impressive. So, the short story is that GM Design, especially as it pertains to Cadillac has not begun to lose its much-touted mojo. As a matter of fact, judging by the direction and the stuff I can’t talk about, they’re going to be a force to be reckoned with in the luxury-performance market for many years to come. - PMD

Toyota. After an extensive 10-month investigation involving NASA engineers, the Feds found no electronic flaws in Toyota vehicles to explain sudden, unintentional acceleration, according to a report released by NHTSA. "We enlisted the best and the brightest engineers to study Toyota’s electronic systems, and the verdict is in. There is no electronic-based cause for unintended high-speed acceleration in Toyotas,” Ray LaHood said in a statement. Hmm... who are all the "experts" who were so sure that there was something wrong with the black boxes in Toyota gonna call, now, Ghostbusters?

(Chevrolet/GM)
Chevrolet announced the Camaro ZL1 today at the Chicago Auto Show. Equipped with the LSA 6.2L supercharged engine that will deliver an estimated 550 horsepower (410 kW) and matched with a six-speed manual transmission with a dual-disc clutch system, it should be the Camaro from Hell. Other good stuff? With numerous performance technologies like Magnetic Ride Control and advanced materials – including a vented carbon fiber hood insert – and other trick stuff including extensive aerodynamic development designed for high-performance driving, the launch is slated for early 2012. Development will continue right up to launch. Nicely done, boys and girls!