CAP’N JIMMY’S LOVE BOAT.

By Peter M. DeLorenzo

Detroit. It never ceases to amaze me that The Motor City is still a company town like no other (well, except for Hollywood, which is its own special brew). Unless you live around here, it's hard to understand what I'm talking about, but once again I've been presented an opportunity to paint for you a vivid picture of what I mean. Last Thursday (June 3rd), the Detroit Free Press - or is it the Detroit Ford Press? Or, is it the Ford Free Press? - actually ran a story (above the fold, no less) with the headline: "Lightning's bonus: A full spare." The gist of the story is that Ford's new Lightning EV pickup is the only one of the coming EV pickups to have been designed to accommodate the placement of a full-size spare tire. Yes, you read that correctly. That this "news" would merit a front-page placement and a full page inside is almost incomprehensible and flat-out tedious beyond belief. But that's what passes for journalism these days at the Freep, as it is nicknamed, and in this crazed company town. No, you just can't make this shit up, but little did I know this was just the warmup for what was to come.

Late the afternoon before, Ford PR chief Mark Truby put out a lengthy – and breathless – email statement about how Ford was realigning its PR department for the new world. Not a huge surprise, as corporate kumbayas have been de rigueur for a while now. In this era of corporate responsibility, if a major corporation isn’t wearing some cause, or stance, or crafted persona on its sleeve in full view of the public, well, something’s just not right. And I think this is generally a beneficial development and constitutes proper corporate citizenship. After all, trying to contribute something to the greater good is a worthwhile endeavor.

But sometimes, as in most things when corporations get involved, things can go awry, and in a hurry. And when it comes to car companies, there’s always a chance that things can go off the rails with blazing speed. 

Given that, the big news with this PR announcement from Ford was that the company had hired Caroline Adler Morales, who previously toiled for former President Barack – and Michelle – Obama. With a long and illustrious career in the political arena, Morales has been given the title of “director of stakeholder advocacy” at Ford, which Truby explained thusly: "In this role, she will be responsible for bringing our purpose to life through great initiatives and creative communications, helping us become far more intentional about showing our values to the world."

"We want to be a company that is not only known for products and services but we want our corporate character to shine through," Truby continued. And then, this is when it got sketchy. "You want to be part of the cultural conversation. We want to build advocacy — like when you think of Patagonia, Disney and even Tesla. They're very intentional about helping others tell their story and about building fandom and support, whether in the environmental community or people who just love Broncos or Mustangs or F-150s," Truby said. 

"We have the potential as a brand to have even more love and support and advocacy from the public than what we do. But we have to be intentional about it. At the highest level, Caroline will be working on those types of strategies — from corporate giving to ESG — environmental, social and governance priorities."

Oh, really? The PR minions over in Dearborn can’t possibly believe this mumbo jumbo, can they? Love and support and advocacy from the public? You have got to be kidding me. I know certain high-ranking members of the Dearborn-based automaker have lofty, bordering on the touchy-feely, opinions of themselves and Ford’s place in the world, but this is laughable, and unmitigated bullshit of the first order. (Even China's President Xi Jinping wants to do a rebrand so that his country becomes more "lovable." It's like a plague.)

That would have been enough, thank you very much, from Ford for one week, but then the lamentable Phoebe Wall Howard weighed in with a gushing, 2500-word online piece late Friday afternoon (and, of course, it appeared on Page 1 in Sunday's Freep) with the blaring headline: “Ford stock was cheaper than a sandwich. Now shareholders are gloating.”

Now, it’s no secret that Howard has been, shall we say, CEO Jim “Jimmy Har-Har” Farley’s biggest booster, but now even other members of the usually compliant media that cover the auto biz whom I talked to were saying out loud, “WTF?” As in, what gives with Howard and Ford? Another said, “This is just getting fucking ridiculous.” Or, as one observer said to me succinctly, "Why don’t they just call the Freep the Ford Free Pass?"

Here are a few highlights: 

“Ever since Ford CEO Jim Farley made his much-anticipated Capital Markets Day presentation on May 26, industry analysts have raved, Ford's stock spiked and has held steady.

He talked about billions in new investments, keeping promises and being a disruptor.

While new products play a significant role in the stock surge, faith in Farley is an essential element, analysts and shareholders often say — before and after Ford's investor calls.”

She goes on to quote Margaret O’Mara, a professor of history at the University of Washington, who sees a direct comparison between Farley and the company founder — who employed Farley's grandfather. (Which right away should tell you that O’Mara, author of “The Code: Silicon Valley and the Remaking of America," clearly doesn’t know jack-shit about the automobile business.)

"I think a lot about how Henry Ford himself was the face of the brand and himself an innovator," O'Mara said. "He was like Steve Jobs later at Apple, producing something for the masses that had been a boutique product for a few, and figuring out ways to make the product accessible and transformative."

"It's an interesting parallel that I think Farley is trying to pick up on," she said.

Off the rails? This train of thought is stopped dead in the desert, waiting for the rest of the railroad to get built. Comparing Farley to what Jobs did at Apple is ha-ha laughable. And flat-out wrong.

"There were a lot of computer companies and Apple wasn't the leader. But they did ads that really were designed to enlarge the market beyond tech enthusiasts and explain how this computer was going to transform your life — in education, home finance and different ways the computer had not been understood as a tool.

"That's a really great parallel to Ford," O'Mara said. 

No, actually it isn’t, Margaret, but just go on making a complete fool of yourself. 

During his investor presentation last month, Farley said Ford is transforming from a traditional automaker that does build-and-sell transactions "to a lifelong, always on, customer relationship ... Our ambition is to lead the electric revolution. We really mean that."

Well, Farley may really mean that, but no one with a properly jaundiced eye believes a word of it. 

Then, Howard went on to tout the efficacy of the new F-150 Lightning EV pickup, which she has done so much since its intro, you’d think that no other pickup truck ever existed. I won’t bore our AE readers with that sidebar, but suffice to say it redefined the definition of tedious. But that was just a warmup for more Farley bootlicking.

“Yet Farley often downplays expectations, which seems to play to his favor. He's an under-promise, over-deliver and exceed-expectations kind of guy.” 

Really? Farley is a consummate bullshit artist, and he always has been. I’ll give him this much: He’s smart enough to know when a gift has landed in his lap, and to exploit it for all it's worth. It has defined his entire career. He’ll just engage the power of his smarm offensive and put it on display – ably abetted by Truby’s PR minions and Howard – so that the people who don’t really know the inside story of his career will never know any better. 

Howard seems to have the unique ability to conjure up a rogue’s gallery of so-called “experts” to provide quotes for her stories. Like this one:

"Ford is ... supremely hedged by continuing to offer internal combustion, hybrid and EVs in a situation where being hedged will not only save the company but make it stronger," said market analyst Jon Gabrielsen. "GM is standing naked as a jailbird with all bridges behind them burned. This is pragmatism and wisdom versus hype."

Really, Gabrielsen? Are you watching the same business, or are you just making it up as you go along? The fact of the matter is that GM is much better positioned than Ford when it comes to the ICE vs. EV balance. Yes, GM CEO Mary Barra has made a deep commitment to EVs, but in the meantime GM is going to bury Ford over the second half of this year with more inventory and more profits with a plethora of hot-selling vehicles. The second half of 2021 is shaping up to be a nightmare for Ford, and Ford has even admitted as much. 

(Oh, and by the way, the real Bronco, as opposed to the faux Bronco Sport? It was supposed to be oozing out of showrooms in May, then it was June, and now Ford has delayed it yet again. This has been the recurring theme for this company for at least a decade. Apparently Farley’s “genius” is unable to crack that code.)

In a rare admission by Howard, who never ever has had even a remotely negative word to say about Farley, she says toward the end of her latest paean to Farley and Ford that critics of Farley inside the company complain he is all hat and no cattle. 

Ding, ding, ding!! Those critics inside the company are pissed off, because they know the real Jim Farley, not the manufactured sheen proffered by Truby and Howard. And they loathe him as much as any CEO who has ever bumbled down the halls of Ford, and that includes Jacques “I’m the smartest man in the world” Nasser. But does Howard expand on that? Oh hell no. Instead, she comes back with… “But external observers share a different opinion.” And then proceeds to quote another chip-genius, who weighs in with:

"I love everything coming out of Ford lately. I’m finally hearing them talk like a Silicon Valley company instead of a stodgy old-world company," said Russell Hancock, president and CEO of Joint Venture Silicon Valley, a consortium of business and government leaders working to address regional challenges. "When California passed clean air laws with higher smog standards Silicon Valley companies went out and hired engineers. Detroit companies hired lawyers. That’s always been the rap on Detroit."

"Tesla's CEO wasn't thinking about selling cars; he wanted to solve a planetary crisis," Hancock said. "That meant creating an electric car that excited passion. Suddenly Detroit is turned on its ear. And Detroit is totally getting it." Memo to Mr. Hancock: How can I put this gingerly? We don’t care what you think of “Detroit.” And by the way, in the immortal words of John Boehner: Go fuck yourself.

Howard can’t help herself, apparently. She says, “The public has witnessed that disruption innovation in autos is not just a dream.” And then she proceeds to quote yet another instant auto expert who apparently just crawled out from under a rock:

"When people have been thinking about cars, the only disruption to date has been Elon Musk and Tesla. He created this vision no one could believe. He created a signal effect that anything was possible," said investor Melissa Bradley, a business professor at Georgetown University and managing partner of 1863 Ventures. "There’s a new level of belief and expectation within the car industry that Farley is willing to capture. It's pretty f-ing awesome."

Yes, yes, Melissa, absolutely no one thought of EVs before Musk, and Farley is the only CEO with the vision and foresight to pick up that mantle. What a bunch of bullshit. Again, par for the course for one of Howard’s “experts.”

And here’s one more contribution from the peanut gallery: "When people see measured approach, there’s a sense of security that wasn’t there with (previous CEO Jim) Hackett," said Marcus Hudson, executive director of the Calderone Advisory Group based in Birmingham (Michigan), which advises suppliers in the automotive industry. Farley's approach resonates, he said. "It's a master class in risk management."

Again, really? Farley makes one speech in front of the investor community, and he’s anointed the industry savior, someone who can walk on water and lead Detroit to the Promised Land? I will say this, I didn’t think much of the investor “community” – or the industry “experts” in academia – before this. But this article and Howard’s wrangling of these so-called “experts” who come off sounding like a passel of ill-informed clowns damn-near put me over the edge.

And so, dear AE readers, that pretty much sums it up. No reporter, and I mean no one, has come close to genuflecting on behalf of a car company to the excruciatingly syrupy level that Phoebe Wall Howard has on behalf of Ford. And this piece will go down as the most disgusting journalistic BJ in this town’s history.

But it has also painted a wonderful picture for me. With the sun setting low over the Detroit River, I can see Mark Truby, with a team of PR minions gathered around, babbling about Ford’s purpose in life, plus a bunch of investor hacks and wannabe industry experts from academia, all on board Cap’n Jimmy’s Love Boat as it sets sail in search of even more accolades. With First Mate Howard gushingly reporting every move, of course.

And that’s the High-Kilowatt Truth for this week.