ON THE TABLE

November 12, 2008

Thomas Friedman. From the "Assholes Be Us" File comes word that The New York Times blowhard is at it again with a piece this morning that blames Detroit for the cumulative ills of the western world - his pat stump speech over the last three years - and even goes out of his way to agree with that other font of wildly misguided information concerning all things automotive, Paul Ingrassia, from the Wall Street Journal. Wow. Together these two guys couldn't even run a 7-11, let alone come up with a cohesive plan to run a major industrial concern like a car company, so the fact that we have to be subjected to their simplistic view of how to fix Detroit is beyond torturous. It borders on the criminal as a matter of fact. Friedman tops it all off by suggesting that Steve Jobs be given free rein to "fix" General Motors. Yikes.

The New York Times. Looking at the New York Times' plummeting financial fortunes of late, we can only hope that the days of that newspaper are truly numbered. But then we'd probably have to endure endless columns by Tom-Tom Friedman about why the paper needs a bailout from Washington. Oh, the horror.

Cerberus. Lost in the din of bailout loans and imminent bankruptcies, Cerberus is escaping the level of ire from the mainstream media that it so richly deserves. These glorified carpetbaggers have made things worse with their obstinate stewardship of GMAC and the devastating effect it has had on GM's ability to do business. At this point it would be in everyone's best interest if these guys were summarily drummed out of the auto biz and Chrysler's assets were distributed to people who actually know what the f--- they're doing.

Henry Waxman. The California Democrat is seeking to replace John Dingell, the Democrat from Michigan, as chairman of the powerful House Energy and Commerce Committee, which would be an absolute disaster for the domestic auto industry. Imagine this scenario: Detroit gets a cash infusion from the government only to die anyway in a few years after Waxman and his horde of environmental whack-jobs regulate the auto industry into oblivion.

W. From the "There's Always Time for Politics" File, while Congress is actually trying to do something productive (for once) by coming to the aid of the ailing domestic automobile industry, the sitting President is dragging his heels. Nicely done.

Crispin, Porter + Bogusky. The Most Self-Absorbed Ad Agency in America is up to its old tricks again with its painfully tedious campaign for the VW Routan (aka their version of Chrysler's minivan) in which Brooke Shields is employed as a shrew-hostess who chastises young couples for having babies for the wrong reasons - for "German engineering" in the new Routan - instead of for love. This campaign has pegged our Wince Meter ever since it started running, and on top of that, we haven't heard such universal word-of-mouth disgust for a TV campaign in a long, long, long time. People just don't like it, they despise it. Once again it's apparent that the dullards in VW marketing are being held captive by their own inability to tell its vaunted CP+B creative team, "No." As in "No, not everything you come up with is brilliant." "No, we'd actually prefer it if you didn't make us look like complete idiots on TV anymore." And "No, come to think of it, you won't be invited to participate when we put the account up for review." When you put spineless client weasels together with a bunch of half-baked creatives who actually believe the world revolves around their brilliance, the results are never good. As a matter of fact things can get downright u-g-l-y. Like this.

(Digital Art by Casey Shaine)
The the 600cc Ford GT-Kei, another piece of whimsical automotive art from our friend Casey Shaine - otherwise known as "artandcolour" - in Madison, CT.