THE AUTOEXTREMIST

March 14, 2012

Marketing cotton candy, brought to you by Buick.

By Peter M. De Lorenzo

(Posted 3/12, 6:30 p.m.) Detroit. After forcing myself to view the latest installment of the relentlessly tedious “Celebrity Apprentice” featuring America’s Sleaze Meister, Donald Trump, and wondering out loud (yet again) about the downward spiral of America while futilely lamenting the dumbing down of what passes for American “culture,” I just have to ask, what in the hell is the Buick marketing “brain trust” thinking? Oh, why sugarcoat it: Do Buick marketers even have a whiff of a clue as to what they’re doing? All evidence suggests that they do not.

Not that GM marketers have distinguished themselves all that much in the past. Remember, it was seven years ago when GM marketing decided it was a good idea to get involved with the “King of the Celebutards” and his embarrassment of a TV show, only then it was for the underdeveloped Pontiac Solstice – another GM flash in the pan that woulda-coulda-shoulda been a contender but was ill-equipped for prime time right out of the gate because the GM “way” at the time was to overpromise and underdeliver – and it moved the meter for the car not one iota.

Oh sure it generated a lot of so-called “buzz” that Pontiac marketers giddily touted – as in “we were on prime time TV so it must be good” – but the net-net of the show’s impact on the Solstice’s fortunes was the equivalent of marketing cotton candy, like munching on air with no real substance anywhere in sight.

You’d think that once would have been enough for GM’s marketing troops, right? But no, one session of mud wallowing with His Vacuous-ness just wasn’t enough apparently, and someone gifted with the task of marketing Buick made the fateful decision that Donald Trump was just what the new Buick Verano needed more than anything else in the world.

I’m not going to bore you with what transpired on the show, because it was so excruciatingly lame that no one in his or her right mind would actually deign to watch except by gunpoint. Suffice to say there was no “there” there, and the thought that Buick marketers actually believed that by allowing the Verano to be a prop/afterthought on that miserable excuse for a TV show and that it in turn qualified as a worthwhile marketing idea is simply frightening.

Misguided marketers are a dime a dozen in this business unfortunately, and there’s not a day that goes by that the Autoextremist Advertising Wince-O-Meter isn’t pegged by some egregious marketing atrocity foisted off on you – the unsuspecting consumer public – and Buick marketing’s dance with The Donald is just the latest instance of “we-don’t-have-a-frickin’-clue-so-let’s-just-throw-something-up-against-the-wall-and-see-what-sticks” marketing.

What did it accomplish? I’m sure the Buick marketers would gush on about name awareness and image enhancement and blah, frickity blah. Really? Do they actually think that anyone watching that dreck would sit up on their couch and say, “I’m going to get me one of those!” Not in a million years. The Verano was a mere sideshow in the Trump Circus, even though the show was allegedly all about the car. It makes one have serious doubts about the critical thinking – or lack of same – going on down at the RenCen. I mean, when someone sits up in a meeting, pounds the table and says, “That’s it! The Celebrity Apprentice is just PERFECT for the Verano!” you just have to shake your head.

And it’s too bad, really, because the Buick Verano is an excellent luxury-themed compact car (see Peter’s “Quick Take” on the Verano in “On The Table” – WG) and it deserves so much better.

But then again Buick deserves so much better as well. Right now there seems to be a raging philosophical dichotomy going on within Buick that indicates that no one really knows what they’re doing. And even worse there’s no one there who seems capable of stepping up and guiding them, either.

On the one hand, Buick’s very existence during the turmoil of the GM bankruptcy is owed to the Chinese market, where Buick enjoys a lofty reputation as a desirable automobile. Buick sells more vehicles there than anywhere else in the world, and since China is going to be the biggest automobile market for at least the next 50 years or so, making sure Buick survived was the only option.

But with that in mind, what is Buick, exactly? Does it exist only to service the Chinese market? Or does it exist to make use of GM’s resources at Opel? And while I’m asking, is there any residual brand image goodness left at Buick from GM’s heyday?

Let me explain. Yes, Buick does exist at the whim of the Chinese market; anyone who suggests otherwise is simply delusional. But it also exists as a conduit for engineering resources provided by Opel, half because of a long-standing – and historically odd – relationship with Opel that goes back to the 60s (Opels were sold in Buick dealers here in the U.S.) and half because the corporation is desperate to justify Opel’s existence, period.

All of that’s well and good, but what of Buick here? Once known for its sensational Bill Mitchell-orchestrated designs in the 60s, GM’s design chief Ed Welburn is striving to bring Buick’s design presence, premium reputation and on-the-road presence back. In other words, he has been diligently working on elevating Buick’s brand perception.

Welburn was able to do that quite successfully with the distinctive Enclave crossover and the still handsome LaCrosse, and he aims to continue that trend with the Regal and now the compact Verano. (The small Encore crossover unveiled at the Detroit Auto Show brought Buick’s burgeoning design momentum to a screeching halt, but that’s another column.)

But if Buick is all about flaunting its newly reawakened design presence and premium reputation, why did its marketing operatives believe that a Trumpian Sleaze-fest is conducive to getting the brand closer to its goal of premium desirability?

Indeed it’s a mystery. As I said, auto marketers miss far more than they hit, and in GM’s case that’s certainly very true. With GM marketing going “all in” on spending and creative ideas for Chevrolet and to a lesser degree, Cadillac, Buick is clearly not benefiting from the best and brightest thinking. Which is too bad.

What other explanation could there possibly be for the seemingly on-target market positioning of the Enclave and the LaCrosse, while the Jekyll-and-Hyde positioning of the Regal continues unabated? Meaning, is the Regal a sophisticated, premium road car in the new Buick idiom, or is it an Autobahn-tuned performance machine as presented in the Regal GS Turbo? I’m sorry, but it can’t be both. And GM marketers can’t afford to position it as such. As an enthusiast I certainly can appreciate the GS Turbo, but long term it’s not the image that will carry Buick forward. (Now, if Pontiac was still around, I could certainly see a use for that particular package...)

As for the Verano, is it a well-executed near-luxury compact entry to the market? Or is it a faux luxury entry that’s simpatico with Donald Trump’s carefully honed but offensively faux sense of class?

Don’t bother asking Buick’s marketing brain trust that question, because they clearly don’t have a clue.

After all, they clearly believe in the power of marketing cotton candy, and they clearly have bought into the idea that Donald Frickin’ Trump is a proper ambassador for its new Verano.

What a mess.

And that’s the High-Octane Truth for this week.

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