PORSCHE NEEDS TO THROW ITS TRUE BELIEVERS A FRICKIN’ BONE.

Editor's Note: This week, Peter continues his criticism of Porsche's all-out push into electrification, but this time he suggests that Porsche needs to press the reset button and offers design parameters for a new Porsche that would ignite passion for the brand both internally at Porsche and among its enthusiast faithful. In "On The Table," we take a look at the incredible TwelveAir, a scratch-built custom Corvette coupe and winner of the inaugural Goodguys BASF Most Bitchin’ award. We also take another look at the Mercedes-AMG ONE - the hypercar with Formula 1™ technology - which just beat its own record for production cars on the Nürburgring-Nordschleife. And our AE Song of the Week is "Help Me Make It Through The Night" by the late Kris Kristofferson. In "Fumes," we have the seventh installment of Peter's popular series, "The Racing Machines." And in "The Line," we'll have MotoGP results from Motegi, Japan. We're on it. -WG



By Peter M. DeLorenzo

 

Detroit. Last week’s column – “Porsche Embraces the Electron Wasteland: It Was Fun While It Lasted” – seems to have struck a nerve on both sides of the equation. The Porsche faithful, those True Believers who plan on sticking with their favorite brand come Hell or High Water, are entrenched in the belief that those wizards in Zuffenhausen can do no wrong and that whatever they come up with is unimpeachable brilliance and worthy of salivating over.

 

On the other side are the former Porsche enthusiasts who wandered away from the brand as soon as the Cayenne saw the light of day. Yes, they still appreciate (some of) the 718 and 911 variants, but their ardor has cooled considerably due to the fact that with each passing year the Porsche brand has grown further and further apart from its original mission, which was as an exclusive maker of sports cars.

 

As someone who was lucky enough to experience the best of Porsche at (for me) its most alluring era, the once-desirable German brand has grown into something else altogether. The former maker of exclusive sports cars has become a mainstream manufacturer led by its truck model offerings, while its sports cars seem to diminish in importance by the day. Yes, the 718 is still a highly desirable machine, but the 911 has become bloated, oversized and so far removed from its glory days that it’s just sad. You only have to go to your local cars and coffee to marvel at the taut beauty of an old-school 911 vs. that gigantic thing that wears the “911” badge today.

 

And, as I said last week, the “Grand Transition” to EVs is threatening to kill the Porsche mystique once and for all. The company’s move to an electron-dominated portfolio moves the brand into soulless appliance territory. And that's fundamentally different from just offering a bunch of trucks.

 

As I’ve said repeatedly, the Taycan does absolutely nothing for me, much to the chagrin of blind Porsche loyalists who insist it’s the best Porsche ever. Hardly. Not even close, in fact. I can feel the heft – by far my biggest criticism of EVs in general – even though Porsche engineers did their very best to disguise it. And the artificially-generated sound that can be engaged is a deal breaker. This is the case with all EVs for me. Some people consider EV motoring to be a revelation, that it’s The Future, blah, blah, blah. But, as I said last week, “driving by rheostat” is about the furthest thing from actually driving for me.

 

But as a former ad colleague reminded me after last week’s column, Porsche as a brand and a car company isn’t going anywhere. And yes, that is, in fact, very true. But Porsche’s brand essence has become permanently tainted. As a reminder, Porsche still races – and wins – with its Le Mans and IMSA prototypes, and with what it calls a “911” these days, but with each passing year the hardcore Porsche faithful will be left behind and begin to fade away.

 

That’s true of a lot of car brands, of course, as their traditional owner faithful slowly but surely drop off of this mortal coil, but if Porsche plans to stay current and desirable, it will have to do much, much more than offer a phalanx of EVs barely distinguishable from its competition (other than the Porsche “crest”) and its limited array of sports cars costing $100,000 and up. Check that – most of the “desirable” Porsche sports cars are now costing easily $150,000 and up.

 

Porsche prides itself on insisting that it’s the “most profitable car company in the world” (its consistent, calculated arrogance conveniently blinding them to the fact that that little Italian car company in Modena, Italy, retired that crown years ago). No, a more accurate assessment of Porsche is that it is the greediest car company in the world, by far. The Greed Merchants at Porsche have turned the company’s option list into a kaleidoscope of suck, designed to suck as much cash out of its faithful’s wallets as possible. Just one example? If you want the “Extended Deviated Stitching Interior Package” on your 718 Coupe, it will cost you. How much? $3230.00 to be exact. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

 

No, Porsche will have to press the reset button in a major, definitive way and remind the greater auto universe of why it exists in the first place. Porsche operatives did this once before. I was at the Detroit Auto Show when they unveiled the mid-engine Boxster concept way back when. We – the assembled journalists in attendance – were aware that the Boxster concept was a brilliant stroke and that the company should and eventually would build it. And they did. But let’s not forget, the Boxster was supposed to be the “back-to-basics” Porsche. Today, that “entry level” Porsche 718 Boxster stickers for $76,895. And the 718 coupe starts at $74,795. (I priced a 718 Coupe on the Porsche website using as much fiscal restraint as I could muster and it stickered for $86,156. A 718 GTS 4.0 – what I would really order if I could – stickers for $101,695, to start.)

 

So, what if Porsche did press the reset button? What would I recommend? Some of our readers mentioned the Porsche 914 as an example of an old-school, affordable Porsche, and that’s an interesting notion. But I would start with a blank computer screen to forge something totally new.

 

First, some design parameters: A lightweight, two-seat, mid-engine Porsche sports car with flat four-cylinder power and 300HP with a six-speed manual gearbox only; sophisticated but simple suspension with four-wheel disc brakes and typically responsive Porsche steering and a minimalist – but striking – exterior and interior design that harkens back to some of Porsche’s greatest hits (with a removable roof panel). Target weight? 2,900 lbs., all fluids and full fuel included. Optional equipment? None, but with all of the contemporary safety equipment included, at least to a point. But with a target price of $40,000 fully loaded, delivery included. No, not $42,000 with a few options, or $45,000 with Porsche’s full suck option list engaged, but $40,000. Period. Would this be just a de-contented Boxster? Not if Porsche does it right, it wouldn’t be. We’re talking all-new construction, all-new materials and a smaller footprint than that original Boxster concept.

 

What would the aim of this new sports car be, again? To not only reignite the passion in Porsche internally, but to remind Porsche operatives of what the brand should be all about. And, even more important, to throw a frickin’ bone to a whole new generation of True Believer enthusiasts who will be attracted to the Porsche brand for the fundamental driving difference.

 

Is this too much to ask of the Porsche operatives in Zuffenhausen?

 

Probably. But it’s absolutely what they need to do.

 

And that’s the High-Octane Truth for this week.

Editor's Note: You can access previous issues of AE by clicking on "Next 1 Entries" below. - WG