THE AUTOEXTREMIST

May 18, 2011

America is all about being green, as long as someone else is paying for it.

By Peter M. De Lorenzo

(Posted 5/17, 10:00 a.m.) Detroit. Recently, the Consumer Federation of America, that tediously self-righteous organization of group huggers and hand holders specializing in not only telling Americans what’s good for them but making quite sure we’re sick of hearing about it by the time they’re through, commissioned a poll by Opinion Research Corp. that found that 62 percent of Americans support a federal mandate requiring automakers to meet a 60 mpg standard by 2025, which just so happens to be the proposal that the Obama administration is trying to railroad through the system over the next eighteen months.

Uh, let’s see, doing a poll with select consumers on fuel economy standards when gas prices are the highest in American history? And what is this supposed to accomplish, exactly? The Consumer Federation of America is pontificating vociferously that this is proof positive of a rousing endorsement for the Obama administration’s stringent fuel economy standards by consumers, when all it really demonstrates is that human nature is fairly predictable.

If you call up consumers at night after they just paid $4.25+ for regular on the way home of course they’re going to endorse a higher future fuel economy standard to a pollster asking leading questions.

They’d also say they’d want to eat a double cheeseburger and fries at Five Guys and not gain a pound, be able to go to a pro football game for $5.00 a ticket, buy a Savile Row suit for a $100, have a cell phone bill that never goes over $25 a month, have lifetime access to a gym for nothing, gift a pair of Manolo Blahniks for $50, live in a 3,000-square-foot bungalow in Malibu for a $1000 a month, drive a 911 Porsche Turbo for the price of a Sonata, fly to Europe in First Class for $500, never pay over $1.00 at Starbucks no matter what the drink, etc., etc., etc.

This is groundbreaking research? I think not, but don’t tell the operatives from the CF of A that. As a matter of fact the research director for the nannylicious group, Mark Cooper, suggests that soaring gas prices have consumers endorsing stricter standards and craving hybrid and electric vehicles. "We're talking about changing the trajectory of consumption," he said. "The consumer is ready."

Really? Is that why sales of hybrid vehicles of late have been tepid, at best?

I can assure you that the one key question that wasn’t asked in the research is the one that goes something like this:

“In order to meet these new standards, your future vehicle would have to be equipped with several advanced technologies that will add substantially to its cost. Would you be willing to pay A. An extra $3500.00 for your vehicle to meet those standards? B. An additional $4500? C. An additional $5500? Or. D. More than $5500?”

Uh, hello? Cue the dial tone, must be a bad connection.

Yes, most consumers get all touchy-feely when they espouse their love of the environment and in their fundamental belief in higher fuel efficiency, but when prodded, no one really wants to foot the bill for it. That’s for the government to pay for, or for the government to force the car companies to eat the costs in order to meet the 2025 standards, but moi? Non.

That is kind of consistent with the America that exists today, unfortunately. The good ol’ “I’m not accountable, it’s always somebody else’s fault, I want a deal or I ain’t buyin’, and if all else fails the government will pay for it” U.S. of A. We’ve become a nation of zombie consumers voraciously seeking out the best deal, no matter where it comes from or what it does to our balance of payments. Not a good look by any stretch of the imagination. And not exactly the way to approach future fuel economy standards, come to think of it.

The reality, of course, is that it just doesn’t work like that. Somebody is always left with the bill. Not that reality ever entered into the equation when you have organizations like the Consumer Federation of America forcing their agenda on the American people. (And by the way, how can you call yourself the “Consumer Federation of America” when everything you come up with adds cost to America’s bottom line?)

But then again reality has always been in short supply with politicians in Washington and Northern California too, especially when they’re making shit up as they go along. And it’s a beautiful thing from their perspective, because they’re always getting either the U.S. taxpayer or Corporate America to pay for it. Nicely done.

Given the current state of America, at least the America that picks up the phone and talks to pollsters instead of suffering through one more minute of that monument to tedium, “The Apprentice,” everyone would want something that looked like a Ferrari, cost no more than $20,000 and gets 100 miles per gallon.

I got news for all you giddy poll-taking consumers out there: It’s notgonnahappen.com.

And that’s the High-Octane Truth for this week.

See another live episode of "Autoline After Hours" with hosts John McElroy, from Autoline Detroit, and Peter De Lorenzo, The Autoextremist, and guests this Thursday evening, at 7:00PM EDT at www.autolinedetroit.tv.

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