Nearly two decades ago, Honda created Asimo, a humanoid robot. It could move a little, and even talk in response to simple gestures. Asimo was polite, in that it didn't threaten its human creators by showing off. A human generation later, we get... Hank, a more 'human' creation in that he works the crowd like a washed-up comic at Summer Camp. Hank was the Featured Display at the Ford area. There was no sign of the new 700HP+ Mustang, but they did show off the Bullitt version, which appeared in Detroit last year. Way to go Ford! Year-old cars. Twenty-year-old robots. No wonder you need VW's help. I did take a quick pic of the Bullitt:
Honda was not much better. They didn't excite, but they didn't annoy you with a Robot either. Their Featured Display was family-friendly: a mock up simulator of a NASCAR tire change.
Every Father's dream: playtime activity to train their kids to work on the car.
The nicest Honda on display was the Civic Type R. No sign of the NSX, but then again, it's as old as Asimo, who was also not in attendance.
I don't know if it has a pop charger.
We then floated by the ultra-luxury displays of McLaren, Bentley, Rolls, Lamborghini, and Ferrari. We took pics, but they're not worth showing. All the models were kept together behind a roped-off section of the floor, and despite the fact this was a tickets-only event, nobody was allowed to touch. Is there a dealer who sells all these models? Yes, but he's located in Seattle.
We were getting hungry, and fortunately for us, the grub lines were short in the FCA section. This being Chrysler, everything was sparsely populated. Still, a good gin-and-tonic can put anyone in the Right Mood, and two of them can persuade you to actually sit in one of these:
Are you trying to seduce me, Mrs. Robinson?
Yes, it's pretty on the outside, but a royal pain to fit into, unless like me you are too drunk to drive. I've long held that the Mazda Miata is MUCH more comfortable.
Close by were bigger hot rods from Dodge:
Put that color on any other car, and it's questionable. On this car, it's BOSS.
Yes, it has a Hemi. And a pop charger.
Moving on, we came to the imposing Ram trucks. There was no dedicated display of any engine. Instead, I was attracted to another feature:
My alcoholic buzz fell off when I visited Toyota. Sure, the bleach-blonde pixie who greeted us was appealing, but she faded when we asked to see the new Supra. Would we rather like to enter our sweepstakes giveaway instead? No, thanks, we're good. And disappointed. In fact, the only Toyota worth a picture was this 4Runner, and only because it had a tent on top.
Tent sold separately. Please do not climb on ladder, the sign reads.
My friend wanted to see some electric cars so we went to VW, where I had to explain what he was looking at under the hood:
How do I know this is electric? No pop charger!
After all this 'excitement', we needed a reprieve. Our diversion was a section of floorspace entirely devoted to...popup campers. Deluxe ones, of course. Made of environmentally-sustainable wood and pitched as a potential solution to Portland's chronic housing shortage.
You could fit a family of four in there... somehow.
It got busy in Tent-ville, and we, like so many natives, were crowded out. Luckily, the 'suburbs' we fled to were settled by the custom dealers. On display was, for me, the Ride of the Night. I got to sit in the backseat of a '69 Lincoln Continental, the same one featured in those old James Bond Films.
"Take me to the airport, Oddjob!" I ordered the driver.
Also on display was a 2010 Morgan 3-wheeler. This little beauty was slung low to the ground, so much so that if you took out the engine, you could easily mistake it for an entry in the Portland Adult Soapbox Derby.
Actually, a real Soapbox racer would NOT have roll bars.
Other notable cars were the usual things you'd see at a summer auto drive. Inside the convention center, everything is perfectly waxed, and we could touch them, if only because we were the only people in the room. We wandered into a room dedicated to electric cars and spied one of these:
Do they still make these anymore?
I somehow managed to fit into one of these:
Fiat Clown Car (electric).
After our fill of electrics, we walked into a great Hall of Motorcycles: BMW, Ducati, Indian, Triumph, Moto-Guzzi, and Harley-Davidson. I have to say that we found the motorcycle crowd to be much friendlier than the rest of the audience. I guess, with bikes, people just want to RIDE them, and talk about riding them. With cars, people want to make things into more than just driving: eco-political statements, social status-markers, fashion and marketing critiques, tongue-in-cheek satirical blog entries...
*ahem*
With that being said we headed upstairs, to the "Luxury Loft," where the really nice cars live. Just on the outside of the 'Luxury Room', and presumably 'looking in', was Alfa Romeo. The area wasn't well lit, and not many people stopped by.
Who'd ever want to buy a pretend luxury car like this?
Once inside the 'Loft', we were treated to the likes of Mercedes, Acura, Jaguar and Land Rover. I just want to point out the interior of the Mercedes, with their innovative seat adjusters:
Comfy, and three memory positions: One for you, one for you partner, and one for your mechanic.
People flocked to Jaguar and Land Rover at the far end of the room. Judging by the crowds, I doubt you'd find any of their models at dealer discount. We were more interested in the eye-candy each maker brought.
Again, the color. Lemon-chiffon yellow would NOT work on any other car.
Is this how the British transported Blood Diamonds out of Rhodesia?
It turns out there are TWO 'Luxury Lofts', and we had to go to the other one to look at BMW and Audi. That room is carpeted in white with a large blue stripe down the middle. On one side, there is Audi. On the other, BMW. Make your choice, and prepare for battle. I chose to hit the open bar again first. More gin-and-tonic, as the beer selection was not up to usual Portland standards.
On the BMW side we sat in the 850 coupe. As a fan of Bimmers, I am always curious to see how the company is screwing up their namesake. I took a pic of the interior door to illustrate:
Two things:
1. BMW is very proud to show you that they installed bespoke Bowers&Wilkins speakers everywhere. They made sure to tune into classical music to make the point. I can say it sounded nice.
2. Note the seat adjustment. There are only TWO memory settings. Either BMW is so confident of their reliability that you won't need one for your mechanic, or BMW figures every driver will stay single. Also unlike Mercedes, the actual seat controls are down on the seat... where they belong!
We tried to get into as many BMWs as we could. We eventually found our way into the i8. Everyone around us were impressed, because we figured out where the scissor-door handles were.
Impress your friends... just by opening the door.
At long last, the next available model to sit in was the elusive Supra that Toyota didn't have downstairs!
Toyota supplied the paint.
Once again, we found ourselves enamored by the interior and by extension, BMW marketing. Instead of classical music, BMW piped in Kendrick Lamar to appeal to a younger audience. We were also impressed by the navigational display system, and in particular, we came across this menu option:
It reads: "Set New Area to Avoid."
Oh yes, BMW. You know your exclusive audience well. Of *course* they have a need to AVOID places... and presumably people in those places too. Free advice to Toyota: given your slogan of "let's go places," you *might* want to take this feature out of your Supra-skinned Z4s.
The next place we had to go to was the exit. It was closing time, and given how much we enjoyed the food & drink, we ran out of opportunities to see every automaker's display. With apologies to Audi, Volvo, Cadillac, and Porsche, I didn't have time to investigate if their navigation systems were as offensive as what I saw in the BMW.
On our way out, I made sure to bring my friend over to one last display, one not from an auto maker, but from an auto destroyer. Every year, a local junkyard brings in a recently-compacted specimen, for inspection. Guess the correct make, model, and year of the car and you win a giant flat screen TV. Here was this year's hunk-of-junk:
My guess: the 2018 Alfa Romeo Stelvio.
The Portland Auto Show runs for four days, always (so long as local dealers supply it) on the last weekend in January. Next year, with the Detroit show moved to June, will PDX scoop the Motor City? I'd be happy to let you know.