By Peter M. DeLorenzo
Detroit. New Year's resolutions? Nah. Turning over a new leaf? Why? Projecting a New Day for an auto industry on the cusp of change? Really? Is that what’s happening right now? Double Nah. The notion that something magical happens when the calendar flips over has always been specious, a canard based on wishful thinking and delusion. The political rancor that paralyzed the country last year? Still there. The coronavirus? Not only still there but growing exponentially.
As for the auto biz, things don’t change all that much. In fact, the concept of relentless inertia defines this business still, despite all protestations otherwise.
Take the sales game, for instance.
Once upon a time in the quaint ancient times of this business, you could count on a few things during the year: the fall intros of new vehicles, the end-of-year holiday sales push, and the etched-in-stone belief that if you wanted a super deal, you’re best able to find one in the doldrums of January and February. That pretty much changed from the moment Toyota began its “sell-a-thon” sales campaigns – too many ignore the significance of that development – and everything about sales in the business was turned upside down.
From there it snowballed into the notion of a “truck month,” where special deals could be found on pickup trucks, accompanied by a massive advertising push in whichever month was chosen by a manufacturer. Except that “truck month” became an every month occurrence – it’s always truck month somewhere, right? - and the business became a full-blown commodity-driven sales exercise.
No corner of the business was immune from the “crank ‘em-out” sales incentive/push game either. Even the previously “hallowed” luxury brands were reduced to pumping up sales volume just to be able to say that they were “No. 1.” (Even though their ridiculously low advertised lease payment numbers were augmented by cap cost reductions that added $300 to the monthly, if not more, but who’s counting?)
As you read this, the industry is in the midst of its annual hangover from the end-of-the-year holiday sales push, which began after Halloween. January 4th was officially the last day to record sales transactions for the month of December, so the manufacturers are frantically tallying up their sales for bragging rights, or in some cases, conveniently blaming their dismal performance on COVID-19.
This means that all of the various sales and marketing people are pouring over the results in order to come up with the appropriate spin to the media. This ranges from the relatively benign “we were pleased with our results for the year” to various dubious explanations as to why things didn’t go as planned. And if it was a Shit Show of gigantic proportions for a manufacturer, then the “sun spots” defense will be employed, because if all else fails, blaming the solar system is always an acceptable last resort.
Another aspect of this business that hasn’t changed with the flip of the calendar is the runaway obsession with building stratospherically-priced, unobtanium supercars – machines with unheard of performance numbers that will end up in various collections and will most likely never be driven. The new price of entry for these stupido machines seems to be between $2-$3 million, with 1500HP+ at the ready.
And why, exactly? Possession? The need to have something that no one else does, as if this delusional pursuit has any merit whatsoever? Performance? These cars are rarely – as in never – driven. Why? Because their performance envelope is beyond mere mortals, and they cost so damn much that the thought of rolling one up into a ball at a track day is, well, remote, at best. No, I attribute this supercar obsession to the ultimate example of Swinging Dickism, a pathetic affliction that doesn’t have a statute of limitations, because it has been a part of this business for almost as long as the invention of the car itself. The only difference now is that the cost of being The Biggest Tool in the Shed has grown to the point over the last half-decade of being beyond absurd.
Other things about this business that haven’t changed with the transition to 2021? Let’s see, the EV explosion – or, as we like to say, It Won’t Be Long Now! – is just around the corner, so there’s that.
Land Rover can’t seem to put together a media drive – this time for the new Defender – without flaws and glitches befalling its press cars. Check. (But people will fall all over themselves in order to pay through the nose to get one, you can be certain of that.)
This will also be the year that the Korean manufacturers finally assert themselves, and they will make huge inroads in the market. (Wait a minute, haven’t we heard that the last seven Januarys in a row? Why yes, yes, we have.)
Porsche will continue to prey on the gullibility of its faithful by offering the most usurious pricing in the industry of its special editions and option packages. And its customers will put up with it, at least until they don’t.
And last, but not least, in the most predictable indication that nothing ever changes with the flip of the calendar alone, Ford is in the midst of frantically fixing its “Franchise” – the 2021 F-150 pickup truck – after the fact. They’re piling up in empty lots around Detroit so that myriad build problems can be addressed, as the Detroit Free Press has been dutifully reporting.
Wait a minute, wasn’t it just a couple of years ago that Ford was forced to do the same thing with its new Explorer? Why yes, that is correct. What seems to be the problem, you might ask? Well, when you’re cranking ‘em out to meet production goals, which translate into sales figures, which translate into serious ca$h-ola – it’s not an exaggeration to say that without the F-150 Ford would have been relegated to the history books years ago – things go wrong, and stuff falls through the cracks. A lot of stuff, to be exact. But “fixing it in the edit” doesn’t play well in this day and age. In fact, it is flat-out inexcusable (just ask Tesla). But here is Ford, up to its eyeballs in it again, like clockwork.
But wait a minute, isn’t all of this badness supposed to be a thing of the past now that Jim “Jimmy Car-Car” Farley is at the helm? I mean, wasn’t Ford going to be led into the light in a burst of creativity and vision from the guy whose claim to fame was the Toyota Scion? How can this possibly be?
Well, there’s that thing about that aforementioned relentless industry inertia at play, for one. And the fact that Ford can’t seem to conduct a proper product launch to save its life, even if you spot them the “l” and the “nch.” And no matter how hard Mark Truby’s PR minions try to portray Farley – or, as we like to refer to him around here, “Jimmy Har-Har” – as being the company savior, the reality is that he’s anything but.
But oh my, have the Ford PR minions been working overtime on it. Farley has been front and center in a “smarm” offensive that is parts hokum and fantasy, and when he isn’t healing the sick or walking on water, his visionary product decisions are sure to propel the company to unimaginable heights. PR veterans and company insiders are choking on their cornflakes from the endless barrage of stories about Farley in this town. But then again, it has become standard operating procedure at Ford. Or, as I like to say, file it under “Unmitigated Bullshit We Have to Endure” while living around these parts.
The reality? Farley is just the latest guy to be given the keys to the Ford Motor Company by Bill Ford, and that counts for exactly not much in the grand scheme of things.
Or, in other words, same as it ever was.
And that’s the High-Octane Truth for the first week of 2021.